Sunday, September 16, 2012

Making the choice to be brave

When I think of acts of courage, I think of firefighters running into a towering inferno to save strangers from certain death or a veteran of war learning to walk on new legs after losing his in battle. I have never considered the fact that I could be among people classified as one of the brave ones. Yet I realize that my story, while different, is one that is full of the sort of bravery I never knew I possessed.  To walk away from a life of obesity into one full of unknowns at every turn really scares me to no end, yet it requires incredible valor and boldness.  I am walking away from comfort, albeit false comfort, but I am walking away.  I have the support of an army, though.  An army of people who care for me more than they could ever say, whether they are strangers or people who know me well.  They pray for me and they encourage me.  Sometimes they understand the struggles I have been through, sometimes they don't.  To each and every one of you, I want to say thank you.  I hope I have the courage to tell you this in person because not every moment of this journey has been or continues to be easy.  It may look easy for me on the surface because, hey, all I'm doing is drinking shakes, right? 

Anyone who is doing the same type of program knows it is far more difficult than it looks.  I have been one of the fortunate ones who has been able to not cheat or deviate.  That doesn't mean I have some hidden source of willpower being dispensed to me.  It means I hit my bottom and I was willing to do anything I was told to do by the medical staff overseeing my weight loss.  I also knew there would be a lot of emotional work I would need to do as well, which is just as important. Sure, I am compliant with following the program and getting lots of physical exercise in, but there is a mound of work to be done that no one can see.  I have to face things head on that I have run away from my entire life if I ever have hope of walking away from the crutch of food.  I have to develop new habits, new ways of thinking and embracing life differently.  So while it may seem easy and many people ask me how on this earth I am managing this, the truth is I just don't know the secret.  What I do know is that I am making the choice to be brave.  I am making the choice to hold God's hand as I walk forward into a world that I know absolutely nothing about.  If you're reading this and struggling with walking into that world, too, just know that you are much braver than you give yourself credit for.  Continue to be courageous.  Put down the food and let go.  Someone will be there to catch you.


Anonymous said...

All I can say is WOW! I love your posts. I've recently started following your blogs and find them very insightful. They are truly an inspriation for me.

I love how you express the fact that it's not about the food. The food is just the crutch. It could just as easily be alcohol, drugs, gambling or some other form of 'addiction.' In the end, it's really about using the food to comfort ourselves when we need a coping mechnism to deal with 'life.'

I agree that it takes courage to walk away from your comfort zone. I haven't hit bottom yet, but want to start a new path before I do. I find courage in your story.

Thank you so much for putting your thoughts into words. You show all of us that it CAN be done.

Carry on! Good luck!

Kathy said...

I'm so glad that something in my blog posts speaks to you. Food is just like any other addiction and it takes effort to walk away from the comfort we seek in it. Believe it or not, you've already started walking down that path towards healing simply by reaching out and saying you want more. I hope you don't hit the bottom that I found myself in ... I don't wish that for anybody. As I have often said, if I can do this, seriously, anybody can! My best to you ;-)

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