Thursday, February 16, 2012

Freaking starving!

I'm almost done with day 3.  We were warned the first days are going to be hard, but then things will be so much easier ... the hunger and headaches go away.  Hasn't happened for me yet and today was particularly challenging.  Yet, I am a determined girl so I leaned on my friends for support.  The headaches I can even deal with, but it's the hunger feeling in the pit of my tummy that is tough for me.  It's so confusing, too, because I'll have one of the shakes, make it extra frothy with lots of ice and it is tasting sooo yummy going down.  But then about a half an hour later, I feel very hungry.  Thankfully I'm allowed, and expected, to have a shake every 3 hours because of my diabetes. 

Beyond the hunger, I have been feeling a lot emotionally, which I know is part of what happens when you put down the food.  Towards the end before beginning Optifast, I really was binging a lot and now, not eating food, I'm hyper aware of just how bad it got.  It makes me sad that I got to this place of getting so into the food that I never realized I hit 400+ pounds.  How does a person do that and not see it happening?  Well, I guess it's possible if you avoid mirrors and keep buying bigger clothes.  I am pushing through this hard physical time because I have the reminder that I don't ever want to live in a state of not caring about how big I get.  I know this is just the beginning of realizing what I had done to myself with poor choices, but I have relief knowing God is on my side and always will be if I just reach out for help.  


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