Saturday, February 4, 2012

Feeling emotional

In preparation for starting the program on Monday, my assignment is to do some reading and then write what I eat in a food journal with specific questions to answer each time I write something down.  Seems simple enough, but then all these emotions are coming up for me surrounding that.  I'm really seeing in black and white how much of an emotional eater that I am.  I mean I always knew it on an intellectual level, but not in my heart I guess.  And I do have to admit that I was getting a little resentful when I was in Costco today.  I have always been a little annoyed by the food carts that give out free samples in practically every aisle, but I was hyper-aware of it today.  I watched this one woman go from aisle to aisle, eating her way through Costco.  She wasn't shopping, didn't even have a cart, just was grabbing samples at every station.  I resented her.  I bet she doesn't have to write down what she eats in a food journal or do a medically supervised weight program.  Of course, you can never judge a book by its cover - she can be a bulimic or someone who purges.  I guess, for me, she just represented normal-sized people, the fact that they don't have to go to extremes around food, they just eat it and then move on.  This is not to say that I won't do it or that I hate it, just resentful of the fact that I feel like I'm being singled out for being a bad girl around food my entire life.  Things will get better, I know they will.  It's just tough right now, but that's okay, too.  I have so much support in my life and I know I can lean on any of my friends to see me through the rough patches while on Optifast that will invariably come up.


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