Monday, September 30, 2013

What, then, is my journey?

In church on Saturday, I heard one of the most powerful sermons from my pastor.  He spoke it with such passion and it was one of those times where it felt like it was just for me.  It was all centered around the knowledge that God is at work in you right now, in this very moment.  When we don't think we're able, when I don't think I'm able, I am reminded that above all things, God is able.  It really touched me because it helps me remember that it is my guiding principle.  As I walk through the battle of getting healthier and losing the weight, sometimes it feels incredibly daunting to know the road I have in front of me is a very loooong one with a lot of weight on it as well as a lot of physical pain coursing through my body.

Then I got a huge reminder of where I've been tonight.  One of my friends posted a link to this news video of a man who was recovering from a double lung transplant and then was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  One of his wishes was to walk two of his daughters who are unmarried down the aisle before he died.  So they all got dressed up and that's precisely what he did and then he passed away.  The type of cancer he had was melanoma, the very same  cancer I had two years ago.  It's the very same cancer that is evidenced on my back and under one of my arms with two big scars from surgery to remove it.  It was a very sobering realization.

Sometimes the battle with food, being healthier and just the whole weight loss thing in general doesn't feel like such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, especially when people are dying of cancer.  Yet, it's also something I can't minimize because this is so much bigger than eating a little extra food.  It's a symbol of something greater going on inside of the person that has the issues with that food, like me.  At the same time, I see how powerful God is.  I had melanoma and it certainly is fatal if not removed from the body.  I was fortunate that it had not spread more than it had already spread so they were about to surgically remove it.  So I wonder ... why am I still here?  I'm not saying that in a morbid way, not at all.  It's just that I can reflect on this man's story and on my own and I can know, without a shadow of doubt, that God has an amazing plan for me.  That's why I'm still here.  Yet, what is that plan?  Care to clue me in on it, God?  Pretty please??

Maybe His plan is this very thing that I'm doing right now ... posting my journey and my story on this blog as a means to show other people how He works through me.  Who knows why in the world I got it in my head one day to start this blog.  I'm not like other bloggers - I don't have even an iota of interest in making money on my blog.  I know there are others out there that advertise but you'll never see that on my site.  There's nothing wrong with it, but for me, my blog is purely about the journey.  If other people see it, that's fantastic.  If other people can glean something helpful from it, I'm thrilled.  At the end of the day, though, it's the story of me and the road I have traveled.  Father God, where is this road going to take me?  I just don't know, but one thing I do know for sure - I don't feel alone while traveling on it, not right now.  That's a huge blessing and a gift I cherish so much.  All of the people (yes, you!!) who read my musings support me more than I could ever express.  I don't know what this journey is all about, but hopefully I'll come to understand it all soon.


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