Saturday, October 5, 2013

Weekly weigh-in

I have not felt great during this past week, but I did go to my weigh-in this morning and found out I lost two pounds.  I'll take it!  Given I didn't exercise one day this week and was feeling icky, two pounds is fantastic.  My past week was stressful for me, but I'm working hard on trying to move past that as much as possible.  It's not easy when I'm so used to going to food to make me feel better, even though it does no such thing.  I was thinking tonight, as I was preparing my dinner, how am I going to handle things in the future if I don't have food as a crutch?  It's been my mode of operation for so long in my life.  Really, it's been my only way of coping.  Have a bad day?  Food will fix it.  Bored?  Food will fix it.  Get in a fight with the boyfriend?  Well, you see where I'm going with this.  My therapist has told me time and time again that it will take time, patience and a lot of practice to change these behaviors.  I know she's right, but there is a part of me deep inside which is raising a snarky little eyebrow at her.  Will it really get better or am I one of those unfortunate few that they talk about in twelve step programs who is "constitutionally incapable" of getting better?  Good Lord above, I was 420 pounds at my highest weight.  How does that happen to a person?  Better yet, how did that happen to me?

Ha ... I just noticed all of the question marks I have in the paragraph above.  Funny how I just get carried away when I'm typing.  As a quick detour, look at what I found when I paused just now to take a sip of my water ;-)

One of my furball angels sleeping right next to me as I'm working on my laptop in the dining room.  My brother's dog passed away this past week and they are in deep grief over losing little Nate.  He lived for an amazing 19 years, pretty unheard of for a dog, so I've been giving my two furry girls more kisses than normal because I know the pain of having to let them go when there's nothing more that can be done.

I guess the food issues will resolve in time and I don't need to put myself in a worry-wort state right now.  I have a long way to go on my road to a healthier me so there's plenty of time to get used to changes.  Given where I was just six months ago with going up on the scale instead of down, I'm doing great.  Fruits and veggies are a normal part of my life now and I look forward to giving my body the good stuff that it has craved for so long.  In fact, I'm finding myself actually preferring healthier choices now.  If I go to a restaurant and there's something that's deep-fried or I know has 2,000 calories in it, I won't even go near it.  Better yet, I don't want to go near it.  The Jenny foods I have been eating have been great.  And if they haven't been great, I stop buying them.  It's my program and I can do that.  For my evening snack tonight, I had a divine little slice of triple chocolate cheesecake.  [That's right, Z, triple chocolate!]  It was incredibly delish and it tasted so decadent, even though it wasn't.  Beyond the food, though, I have been getting great support with the folks at JC.  I'm so glad I made the decision to do their program.  I have absolutely no regrets.


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