Tuesday, April 3, 2012

MRI saga

I finally completed all the MRI's and didn't pass out this time!  I had my left wrist and neck done today.  I am amazed at the different ways I get shown how significantly the weight loss impacts my life.  For the neck MRI, I had to sit in a very narrow space.  The picture on the left is exactly what it looked like.  As soon as I looked at the space, I thought to myself, Oh no, here we go again ... I'm not going to fit.  Then I remembered a prayer I said to God in the car on the way down to the appointment, which is that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.  Those aren't just empty words to me, they actually mean something.  The things I didn't think I could do before I am discovering I actually can do.  If I don't fit in the machine, then we'll go to plan C if necessary.  With 75 pounds off of my frame, things are different.  I fit in the space and they were able to easily buckle the seat belt around my waist before sliding me back further into the machine.  I did have to have this white circle thingy around my neck, so I could not see anything in front of me.  I took that as an opportunity to close my eyes and just be in peace.  I thought about all the things I am grateful for.  I thought about how much my life is changing and, as a result, how much I am changing.  Things that I didn't want to do before are things I can't wait to do now.  For instance, I'm going for a 3-mile walk in the morning and I'm super excited to just get out there and start moving.  I'm becoming the exact person I used to spend all sorts of time rolling my eyes at.  Enjoy exercise?  Hardly!  Yet, it's true.  I am enjoying this experience.  Today I put jeans on that have been hanging in my closet forever.  It has been years since I have worn jeans.  And I put sandals on that previously did not fit.  I never realized you could lose weight in your feet, but that very thing is happening to me.  This is such a scary time in my life, but scary because it's all good, it's what I have been dreaming about and hoping would happen.  I feel like I'm coming out of a coma ... I was alive before but I just didn't feel like I was living.  Now I am seeing things through different eyes.


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