Sunday, April 1, 2012

A beautiful Sunday morning

As I type this, I sit in such incredible gratitude.  I just got back from a very long walk this morning that felt like it was only 20 minutes long - which is a good thing!  It rained overnight, so there's this crispness in the air that just makes me feel so alive.  I am a living, breathing miracle.  I know, some of you may be rolling your eyes right now, but if you're a believer like I am, you are shaking your head up and down in agreement and understanding.  Just two months ago, I was probably in the worst spot I have ever been in.  My health was going downhill fast and I know that if I continued where I was at, I was going to die.  My breathing was always labored, I was always feeling hot from all the added weight, every part of me ached and it was just not good. That's not to say I didn't try to do better, but I just felt lost and near hopelessness.  God, meanwhile, never gave up on me.  I always turned to Him, even in moments when I would turn to no one else because it was just too hard.  I turned to him in faith and He, in turn, has held my hand and never let it go.  Two months ago, I weighed 417 pounds.  Tomorrow is my weigh-in day and I will likely hit the 70-pounds lost mark.  I feel so much better, healthier, optimistic ... happy.  Last night, when I was at church, I took communion (which I have permission to do from my Optifast counselor).  The little tiny piece of bread and thimble of juice are passed out row by row, and since I always sit near the front of church, I closed my eyes and bowed my head in prayer until it was time for all of us to take them together.  Soon my eyes were filled with tears because of the emotion I was feeling for God saving me.  The strength I have to walk through this journey and face the challenges I have every day as I lose weight only comes from one place.  This is not an easy road and anyone that says drinking shakes to lose weight is easy is not being truthful.  It is making me face emotions that sometimes I would rather not face or sit in feelings when sometimes all I want to do is push them away with food.  To have a body that is melting away before my very eyes is something incredible and I just thank God for blessing me.  Yes, it is a beautiful, gorgeous Sunday morning.


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