Whenever someone discovers that I've been on the program all this time and I have not eaten any food outside of the Optifast shakes and chicken broth, they are astonished. They wonder, first, if I'm hungry. Then they wonder if I feel deprived. Let me just say that I am never hungry if I am following the instructions in the program. Sure, when I was first trying to get into ketosis during the first two weeks of starting the program, I was freakin starving! However, we were warned it would be difficult. I drank a lot of liquids and got a lot of rest during that time, but I made it through. Then, when I did eventually go into ketosis, it was a wonderfully liberating experience. All of my nutrients were in those little shakes that I had 5-6 times a day. I was utterly amazed. Here I was, a person that started at 417 pounds, and I was actually feeling not only satisfied, but full on these shakes? Seriously?? I am here to tell you, as a living person, that it is absolutely possible.
Now, in terms of feeling deprived, here is where the miracle truly is, at least for me. There was only one time that I wanted to eat food. Yet, when I look back on it now, I realize it was because I was going through some heavy emotions at the time and food was always a quick response for me in the past to not deal with those feelings. Because I do feel full on the shakes, I don't have those feelings of being deprived. That does not mean I don't have feelings about being the only one in the room not eating or feeling as though sometimes I am on the outside looking in or even just missing the sensation of chewing something. When those feelings do come up, it is absolutely necessary that I deal with them. I realize those emotions come from the way I had always walked through life ... with food in my hand or in my thoughts. The whole point of the full-fast is to pull that part out of the equation, to change the behaviors so that they don't repeat in the future. By pulling me out of food situations, I can sit back and be more introspective.
Here's an example of what I mean: when I was in Vegas last week, my mother cooked traditional Filipino food for the family (I am Filipino on her side, white on my dad's side). I knew I was not going to eat any of it, but I did smell it. Memories were congered up of being a kid, eating 10 lumpias in a row, feeling stuffed and then going in for more. I remembered having my own apartment when I moved away from home, making an entire pot of pancet (noodles with veggies and meat), grabbing a fork and eating it right out of the pot. Or making chicken adobo and rice, only to keep eating until every last bit was gone. I mean, we're talking 6-8 chicken thighs and a whole pot of rice. Not all in one sitting, but working on it till it was all gone. I thought about those memories as the smells were going on in the kitchen or when everyone was eating when everything was ready. And I smiled inside as everyone complained about how stuffed they were, wanting to loosen their pants because they couldn't breathe. I remember that feeling, oh Lord do I remember it all too well. Optifast has pulled me away enough from food to help me gain perspective. When I go back to eating again, there is a plan to re-introduce me in a very healthy way, following me for a long time and I must incorporate new habits if I ever hope to be in a smaller body while not going back to an old lifestyle that just didn't serve me in the least. So I thought about the nutrition value of even one piece of lumpia, my most favorite food. Here's what I could find:
For 1 piece of lumpia: 110 calories, 4g fat, 250mg sodium, 16g carbs.
Now, when I would have 10 pieces, that is 1100 calories, 40g fat, 2500mg sodium, 160g carbs. Wow! Of course, that's not all I would have in a day, but it was good for me to reflect on that because it put it into perspective. If I was eating food right now, that would all be lost on me because I would be focusing on that food. I can understand that there are emotional responses to certain types of food and also a better, healthier approach. I can honestly say that while they were eating (and they were sweet to do it in another room so that I wouldn't feel left out), I had zero desire for what they had. Everything had a lot of salt or was deep fried. Being on Optifast, my desire for a lot of salt and oil has been wiped away.
That is the beauty of doing the full-fast program. I am much more aware of my emotions around food, or just my emotions in general. I can approach life through a healthier lens, where I finally take care of myself in the way God intended. In the meantime, I can live my life and be fully functioning. I don't have dreams of food any longer like I did in the beginning of doing this program. In fact, the time I spend thinking about food is incredibly little. Hmm, I just realized that as I was typing this. How interesting is that! I have never felt physically better in my life. That doesn't mean I don't have aches and pains because I do, the residual effects of being so obese. However, I am dealing with those, seeking medical attention when necessary and doing my best to work through it.
There are dreams I have that I am fulfilling. My body is the smallest it has ever been and continues to shrink at a rapid pace. When I started this, my body assessment photos have me in a size 34 pants. Yesterday I bought some new jeans and they were size 18. Just think about that for a minute! I have never looked better or, to be quite honest, felt better. I have absolutely no regrets going on Optifast and certainly none doing the full-fast. I don't care that I didn't eat all the seafood when I was traveling up the California coast or participated in the buffets while I was in Vegas. The truth is that I will eat food again in the future, probably in another four months or so, and I really feel in my heart that I will be more prepared to do it in a loving, kind way. Right now, though, I can celebrate the amazing work that is happening in the moment. In fact, I will be seeing my primary care doctor today. I can't wait to see her because I know she's going to be amazed as well. This journey of mine is truly a miracle and it isn't over yet!
One Month post-DS
1 year ago
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