Saturday, July 21, 2012

Interesting discoveries

Last night, while my family was eating at the buffet downstairs in the hotel, I was on the second floor in the fitness center.  There was just one other person in there when I went in, so I pretty much had free reign of the place.  I used to belong to a gym over the years, but I just didn't like working out in there so I left the gym and instead opted to exercise outdoors or in my own home when I need to do strength training.  So I wasn't sure I would like being indoors on the treadmill.  However, it turns out I loved it.  I got on the treadmill, punched in a random course for an hour, kicked up my speed and off I went. When I walk outdoors, while I do work hard and sweat, the breeze keeps me very cool so I'm not dripping.  However, after my hour was complete indoors, I was sweaty even though the room was cooled by the AC.  So I thought to myself, okay, perhaps I need to challenge myself more, look for more hills, or maybe even consider getting into the gym again.  Regardless, I was glad I made the choice to work out.

Meanwhile, it turns out the topic of conversation with my family while they were at the buffet was me.  My sister-in-law told my mom I look so good, beautiful in fact.  Wow.  Then one of my brother's friends, who I have known for several years, was also eating with them and I saw him today.  He was there last night and he told me they were talking about the program I do and he had all sorts of questions for me since he has cousins that are thinking about doing this sort of program.  I made a shake in front of him in the blender and he was very curious.  He told me I looked fantastic as well.  My sister-in-law did end up asking me today, after she saw a before and after picture, at what point did I start to feel cute.  I sort of laughed out loud, thinking to myself, "Have I ever felt "cute" at any point since I've started losing weight?"  That was a good question for me to ponder because, unfortunately, I don't know that I have gotten to the point yet where I feel cute, whether it's now during weight loss or, really, ever.  I can definitely say that I look better, feel more energetic and such ... but cute?  Hmm, I don't think so.  Is it because I don't believe I am or I think it's egotistical to perhaps admit I think that?  I really feel in my heart that I'm just not cute, and that's an unfortunate thing to admit, let alone feel.  Something I really need to look at, I think.

My lounge chair view at the pool ... ahh!
I did make it down to the pool this morning.  I had to ... it ended up being 110 degrees here in Las Vegas today.  I felt great in my bathing suit, although I did have a little bit of self-consciousness because the suit was hugging me on the top.  That meant my breasts were not hidden from view.  No, I didn't expose myself, but perhaps more than I would have normally.  And it was noticed.  A few men hit on me down at the pool and a couple of others that talked to me that were swimming near me were talking to the boobs and not to my eyes.  Maybe I am cuter than I think, although that little voice inside my head says, "Get real, Kathy ... the reason they were hitting on you was because of the girls."  Oh geez, shut up you awful voice!!  Regardless of all that, I'm so proud of myself for getting out there in a bathing suit, swimming and reading a trashy novel by the pool.  I was in a bathing suit with my ex-boyfriend last summer, but that was with the security of him near me. Before that, it had been several years that I donned a suit, so I was feeling good that I was able to walk into the pool area by myself and exposing my skin to the sun.  Don't worry, though, I was using the sunscreen heavily.  I did get some spots of being a little red, but overall did good until I just couldn't stand the heat one second longer.  Overall, things have been going great on this vacation and my dealings with my family.  I was even able to not be bothered being around them today when they were all gorging on Filipino food my mother made for everyone at my brother's house.  I can honestly say I wasn't bothered because the truth is that most everything they were eating was very high in sodium and fat.  I am already aware, even though maintenance is months away, that I cannot eat like that anymore on a regular basis.  So I was perfectly content to play around on Facebook while they ate.  They finished and then we watched a movie.  See, I can handle it after all!!


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