Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Confession

Well, I have some shocking news ... it turns out I'm not so perfect afterall.  Ha ha, I know you're laughing, especially if you know me in person ;-)  The last couple of days have been a real struggle for me food-wise.  I wanted to eat food so incredibly badly.  I know it was a combination of factors.  One is that food was in my house while my mom was visiting for the last 5 days.  Another is that I went waaaay too long between shakes the last two days because I have been so busy at work that I haven't been taking care of myself.  I also haven't got in as much regular exercise is I would like.  All of these things led to a perfect storm of me wanting to not only eat food, but plotting on how I would do it in my mind.  At any point up to now in doing the program, I could have very easily gone to the store or picked up food from some sort of location.  It's not as if food isn't readily available, because it definitely is. 

Thankfully, God sent an angel to talk to me today in the form of a co-worker.  He came into my office, closed my door and told me that he's noticed the weight loss and wanted to commend me for such an amazing job.  We ended up having a really fantastic conversation where I shared with him things on a level I didn't think I would.  What came out of my mouth is a truth that is hard to verbalize to most people - this is an emotionally difficult process.  No one can ever understand how incredibly hard it is not to eat food, yet live in a world where everyone around you except fellow people on Optifast do eat.  They eat the salads I would like to crunch in my mouth, as well as other foods that I indulged in far too often.  Up to this point, I never had that moment where I wanted to go out and overeat on something in all this time that I've been doing Optifast.  I've actually been amazed by that because that definitely was not me before I started the program.

Anyway, I am in a much, much better space today as I type this.  My tummy is full of Optifast product and I have made it safely through the fear I was facing of cheating.  I don't want to cheat and I don't want to be sneaky.  I want to keep doing what I'm doing and stay the course.  My health is so much more improved and I feel genuinely happier.  I want to stay in that zone.

6 comments:

Anne K said...

Hi Kathy, I'm a fellow blogger and dieter so I thought I'd stop in and say hello and offer my support. Much love! --AnneK

losingitgettingfit said...

Hi Kathy, I'm a fellow Optifaster/blogger and thought I'd say hi! Congrats on all your success - very inspiring! I actually just wrote a bit about this phenomenon: I call these times my DANGER ZONES. Congrats on getting through this one --I hope you're enjoying the afterglow that comes from conquering it! --Tessa

Melissa said...

Funny how a craving can hit out of the blue...been there. Sounds like talking with your co-worker really, really helped...so glad to hear that. I like talking about my feelings too. I feel better. Lots of issues swirl around me and food. Much to untangle, but I'm getting there. You are so inspirational to me. I so appreciate your posts.

Kathy said...

A big thank you to each one of you! I couldn't do this without the support of others. It's definitely a journey, and I'm glad I'm choosing to walk it. It's almost hard to remember what it was like before losing the weight I have already lost, until I start reading old posts and then it comes racing back at me.

Optifast Loser said...

Kathy, I have been having some of the same thoughts lately. Much like you, I have been able to get through most of those times. Many people do not realize that this is more of an emotional process then a weight loss process. You are quite the inspiration and I have enjoyed reading all of your posts.

Kathy said...

I think that, really, this is definitely a more emotional process than more of a weight loss process. Yes, of course we're doing the work to lose the weight during this journey, but none of it is going to stick if we don't deal with the emotional issues that pop up along the way. Excess weight is entirely an issue about more than just eating too much. If only it were that easy!

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