Feeling a tiny bit jealous

In my Optifast class this week, our counselor discussed the ending of our 20-week sessions coming up on June 18th.  We're actually ending one week early at 19 weeks, but that's when this particular group comes to a close and then we all move on to our next phase.  For some, it means continuing in classes because we're not ready to transition into maintenance (approximately 10-15 pounds from goal weight).  For me, that means I continue on in another class.  I have the option of either staying in my current class as we get new people or move on to another one with a different counselor.  I thought about the fact that I can get a new counselor and have a different experience since the class will repeat itself in terms of lessons.  But, really, I like my counselor.  He is super supportive and is really thrilled to learn how I'm doing this.  He's told me several times that I have broken records in terms of being the #1 woman in his 30 years of being an Optifast counselor with the fastest weight loss.  Okay, I must admit, sometimes that has given me a big head.  What do you want ... I'm only human!!  The truth is, though, that I don't credit any of that to my superior ability to lose weight.  Seriously, if I had some sort of amazing skill in that department, I wouldn't be doing Optifast in the first place, that's for sure.  I know that it is only by the grace of God that I'm not only losing the weight but doing it in a lot of peace.

Now, the part I've been feeling a little jealous of is the fact that the people who are transitioning into maintenance start to get incorporating real food into their plans.  The only real food I have had since I started the program is the tiny communion wafer I take each month that is no bigger than the size of my pinky's fingernail and the thimble of juice that accompanies it.  And, I have permission from the counselor to do so.  I have been absolutely religious about following the program to the letter.  I have not cheated once, nor been inclined to do so.  I don't know why that is, probably something about me hitting my bottom before walking through those clinic doors and willing to do whatever I'm told I need to do to be successful in this program.  With that said, I do miss the act of actually chewing food.  I sometimes would love a spinach salad, with lots of crunchy veggies.  When the counselor described that the people who are transitioning will get to replace one of their shakes with 3 ounces of a lean protein and then add in a green salad a few days after that, I was jealous.  I mean, look at that salad ... doesn't it look delish?  I'm not even thinking about having bad, high-fat, high-calorie foods.  I just want a freakin spinach salad!!

Okay, I feel better for just saying that.  This does not mean I plan on cheating or being sneaky in any way.  While I may miss chewing food besides my sugar-free gum, ice and communion bread that I take once a month, I will wait until it's my turn.  When I think about how successful this program has been for me so far, I know the day will come sooner than I thought when I originally started that I will transition back to food.  It's been about 3 1/2 months that I've been doing the program and I've lost 109 pounds.  How can I possibly complain about that?  I can't.  And when I finish working for the summer in a couple of weeks, I'll be able to spend more time exercising and just taking care of myself so I know the weight loss will continue.  I am actually excited about all the physical things I will get to do that I can't spend the time on now because of my schedule, like going on hikes or long walks. 

One of my friends and I are planning on being Thelma & Louise this summer and hitting the road looking for adventure (minus murder and driving off a cliff!).  We're going to drive up the coast from San Diego to the central California area and visit places like Hearst Castle, Santa Barbara and wherever our hearts take us.  I can't wait for that!  Then later on in the summer, my mom and I are going to visit my brother and sister-in-law in Vegas.  All the while, I have every intention of staying on plan.  I know people who are doing some sort of weight loss program, even people who are on Optifast, who feel like vacations are times when they can go off of it.  For me, and this is just for me, this is about a lifestyle change.  I can't pretend that just because I'm on vacation that I don't have a problem and can handle my food fine.  I'm learning new ways of behaving around food that I will be incorporating when I go back on it.  This program is not easy and I just don't want to repeat this again in the future if I can help it.  No, I have no intention of acting as if I know all the answers because I don't know the first one.  I just miss the salad, that's all ;-)