Saturday, November 3, 2012

Letting go of the past

I've had a pretty relaxing day, which I sorely needed.  The stress of the medical stuff the last couple of weeks has been so hard to deal with and I think I was just stressed beyond conception.  The only thing I absolutely had to do today was take the car in to get serviced.  My brother lives in Vegas, so my mom and I are heading out there for a Thanksgiving visit in a couple of weeks.  I like to be the driver because I've got a SUV and it's just a more comfy drive for me.  Besides, my mother has anxiety behind the wheel so I like to let her just chill out as much as possible.  Before taking the car in, I decided to clean out the console and bring some other things into my house. 

The console has sort of been my collection spot for things ... some CD's, trash and whatever else I can't be bothered with while driving.  Have you ever gone through your CD's before?  Some of the ones I had in there were hilarious, like this one.

What can I say?  I grew up in the 70's and 80's.  When no one's looking, I might sing their songs in my car, perhaps at the top of my lungs.  I also had CD's from Dave Matthews Band, MC Hammer and Pearl Jam, among others.  My tastes run the gamut. As I was digging deeper in the console, I found something that made me stop right there in my tracks.

When I bought my car, I barely fit in the seat.  In fact, my tummy touched the steering wheel, so there was really no excess breathing room for me.  As humiliating as this was at the time, I bought the seat belt extension to make things more comfortable for me.  I'd use it every day and hide it in my console when I wasn't driving.  I didn't want other people discovering the fact that I had an extension.  Since I lost 45 pounds in the first month when I started Optifast, I was able to remove the extension pretty quickly and stow it away in case I needed it in the future.  It's been something I have been hanging onto, almost like a security blanket.  I no longer need it, as was evidenced by the picture I uploaded in this post.  So, it's time to let it go.  I don't plan to put myself in a position where I would need it again in the future. 

I forget how much my body has changed until I see tangible things like the seat belt extension.  Even when I went to get my car serviced, I sat in one of the chairs with arms in the waiting room and fit very comfortably.  In the past, I had to squeeze in the chairs.  These are triumphs I get to experience, not just the numbers changing on the scale.  I need to celebrate these victories much more often.  Today I celebrate the fact that I no longer need a seat belt extension in my own car.  That's an amazing feeling.


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