Friday, November 23, 2012

Don't be afraid to look in the mirror

Today I went out shopping with the mission of getting myself some tops that actually fit (instead of looking like a bum wearing clothes that are way too big on me).  I knew I was a bit crazy doing this on Black Friday, but, hey, when they have sales 50% off and more, a girl's gotta do what a girl's got to do. 

I ended up getting five tops for myself, but along the way I gained such a terrific insight to where I am today and not where I think I am.  What I mean by that is that I was able to look in the dressing room mirrors and really check out my body in the various things I was trying on.  I have been so critical of it lately, although I haven't said anything to anybody about this.  I just have found that I'm comparing myself against other people, even friends.  Of course, when you compare, you come out the big loser and so it's a dangerous thing to do for my ego and value as a person.  Why must I do that?

Today, though, I was able to sit in the moment and really see the girl looking back in the mirror.  I was able to see these amazing collar bones that  couldn't always see because they were hidden by fat.  I could see clothes fitting me well instead of my body busting out of buttons.  More importantly, I could look at my body and feel pride.   Normally I try to stay away from being prideful because I'm not a boastful person.  But I have a lot to be proud of.  I have lost a lot of weight, I mean a lot.  Of course you all know that because you've been following my journey, but I don't think I have always appreciated that.  I was just doing the next indicated step without really thinking about it.  But today I stopped and thought about it.  How is so much weight gone from my body and how could I not appreciate how special that is?  It really is and it's a gift that I appreciate more than I could ever say in my writing.  As I start nearing the point where I can start shopping in the regular section of a store, I can look in the mirror more and not fear that place.  It's a scary space for many overweight people, especially those that have had this battle for their entire lives.  I don't know how to walk in this world in a normal body size with a BMI in the healthy weight range.  But I also know I am willing to go there today, even when I still fear it.  Who knows, by the time I get there, I may not fear it any longer.

So my challenge for you is this:  look in the mirror.  Not in a critical way, but with love and appreciation for the journey you have been on this far and the one you have yet to travel.  Change is hard, but it can be very exciting and will be completely rewarding as long as you are present enough to appreciate every moment of blood, sweat and tears.


adorkbl said...

Congrats on seeing your progress. It is so hard to see the truth in the mirror.

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