Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Reflecting and letting go

I've done a lot of reflecting the last couple days about the medication weight gain.  I still don't understand what happened, but I have let go of blaming myself for this.  Even in my worst moments and at my heaviest weight, I never had gained that much weight so quickly.  So, even if I had a part in this, that might account for 5 pounds or so, if anything.  I do now accept that the gain was from the side effects of meds.  Thankfully I'm not taking them any longer and taking something else instead.  One of my friends today asked me why this happened with the meds.  Frankly, I don't know.  Normally I would want to know why in circumstances like these ... except for this time.  The truth is that I can't go back and change the outcome, even if I had the knowledge of why.  All I can do is pick myself, dust myself off and keep moving forward.  And that's exactly what I have done.  Things are going great being back on the Optifast 70 product.  I am weighing myself on my scale at home again, not because I'm obsessing about the number (which I'm not), but because I need to know that I'm headed in the right direction, even with possible fluctuations from day to day.  Something is working because I'm already down 7 pounds from Monday alone and it's now Wednesday.  I'm sure that's a lot of water weight, but whatever - I'll take it!

Now what I want to focus in on is spending more time working on the emotional issues surrounding putting on the weight in the first place and what kept me there for so long.  The cravings I experienced when I was back on the once-daily lean meal was not a comfy feeling at all, so I need to work on developing better ways of dealing with stressful, frustrating or unexplained feelings as they pop up.  I don't want to spend my life always fighting with the food.  This is all about letting go as well.  I will let go of the control and let God take care of the things He needs to.  I get to step out of the way and do the next indicated thing.  That's so much easier said than done, but I'm working on it.


erica said...

Proud of you, Kathy.

Martha Kaiser said...

Way to shake off the set-back and figure things out quickly to move forward. I am also proud of you! Just curious, does the scale you way in on at the clinic show your body composition - fat weight, etc. so that you can determine what "type" of weight you put on? I can't imagine that you actually added much, if any, "fat" ... just water. The fat number is all I really look at any more - not the weight number. Weight fluctuates SO much during the day due to water weight and 'that time of the month'. Wishing you the best as you work through the emotional issues.

Kathy said...

Thank you both for being so supportive. To answer your question, Martha, no ... the clinic's scale doesn't go into specifics like that. It has got to be water weight, though, because it's coming off very fast. At least faster than I thought it would.

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