Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Preparing to hit the road

As is my norm, I've procrastinated and now find myself scrambling a little preparing for my road trip tomorrow morning.  I'll be doing a turkey trot 5K in the morning, which I'm looking forward to doing with Sara.  But then right after that I'll be picking up my mom (thankfully she lives near the 5K) and then doing a 5 hour drive to Vegas to spend the holiday with my brother and his wife.  I'm definitely looking forward to it, but I wish I would have done some preparations sooner than now.  I'm washing laundry to throw in a suitcase and I still have to get things ready for my friend who is coming in to take care of my cats.  Breathe, Kathy, breathe!

I am grateful that at least I don't have to worry about food.  I will be on my full-fast Optifast 70 products during the holiday.  I know a lot of people who are going to go off of it for the day so that they can eat with their families.  I totally understand that and definitely don't sit in judgement of them at all but, for me, that month of being on the modified fast where I had one meal a day showed me I wasn't ready to be off the shakes.  I wish that wasn't the case because I was on the shakes for 8 months prior to doing the modified program.  Yet, there were times where that old familiar feeling of wanting to overeat for no good reason was with me.  Cravings came back and I did indulge a time or two.  It just showed me that I still have work to do.  The truth is that I have to let go of that life, as familiar and comfortable yet disasterous as it was and do things differently.  I can't go back there, I just can't.  Getting up to a top weight of 420 pounds is not something that is going to miraculously go away in a few months of being on Optifast and I totally get that.  It takes work and a lot of effort.  I have started journaling again, which has been great for me, and I will continue exploring not only the reasons why I may have/do want to overeat and also divorcing myself from that life so that I can have a better one.  I don't want to be fighting with the food for the rest of my life, that's for sure.  I have already done a lot towards being healthier, like exercising.  I do it practically every day and I have come to love it, honestly.  I wouldn't have always said that before.  I am also learning to appreciate the body I have now, knowing it's a work in progress, but that there definitely IS progress. 

So ... happy Thanksgiving to everyone.  May you appreciate the time you will be able to spend with your family, friends and yourself.  Take a moment to count your blessings.  We all definitely have a lot to be grateful for in our lives. 


adorkbl said...

Have an awesome Thanksgiving!!! :)

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