Thursday, June 14, 2012

Wearing clothes that actually fit

One of the surprising things that I have had to deal with in terms of weight loss is not about clothes that are too small, but clothes that are too big.  I don't fit in my old clothes any longer (news flash to me apparently).  They are way too big on my body and I need to accept that.  It sounds like something easy to deal with or even a non-issue, one would think, but my head has not quite wrapped itself around that truth.  I still keep trying to put on things that just don't fit me any longer and when I go out in them, I am constantly flashing undies, bra straps and grabbing my waistband before pants fall right off of my body. 

So one of the things that I recently decided to do was let go of all my workout pants and get new ones that fit my body.  It's been a weird experience for me because they feel body-hugging now.  They're not, of course, they actually fit me but it's been hard not hiding in my pants that are 5 sizes too big.  This morning when I went out walking, I felt like my ass was on display because you could actually see I had one instead of pants that were swimming on me.  I kept staring at it in the mirror before I left the house wondering if I looked okay and then thought, "Screw it, I'm out there to exercise!"  Who cares if I am on display, although I hardly think I am.  It actually felt very good to see my legs in pants that fit because it was so clear to me that I have lost a lot of weight in them.  There are muscles there now that I just couldn't see or feel before.  There is power behind those legs that help me take good care of myself.  When I go walking, I start out a little slower to make sure I'm getting a good stretch before I kick up the speed, but I do turn it into a power-walk eventually.  I get lost in my music and before I know it, I've done three miles without even feeling like I went very far at all.

At another truth that has been shocking to me is that I have discovered I love exercising.  This is crazy, I realize, but it's true.  I have always felt there was this athletic girl hidden somewhere in the depths of me, just fighting and clawing to get out.  As I continue to drop weight, she is emerging more and more.  Each time I know I am going to exercise, I actually am full of excited anticipation.  Excuse me, but who is this??  Certainly not the Kathy that detested going out there, out of breath, not wanting to sweat.  Yet, I love knowing I am going to hit the pavement.  I am happy when I'm lacing up my shoes, happy when I am heading up a hill that I couldn't make it up before, happy to feel my feet take me mile upon mile.  Oh my gosh, that's it ... I am happy!  The fact is that I am out there, doing my thing, going beyond my wildest expectations for myself, taking care of my body in a way I could have never envisioned for myself before.  These are things that make me want to drop to my knees in gratitude to God.  It's a thankfulness I just can't really articulate, except I think you know that gratitude I have in my heart if you're on the same journey I am on and experiencing things in the same way I am.  I'd even classify that things that I am able to do now and want to do now as miracles.  The change in me is incredible and I can't wait to see more!


losingitgettingfit said...

I feel the same way about the athlete in me trying to get out. It's awesome that your inner athlete has come out to play and that you're enjoying exercise!

Melissa said...

Isn't it amazing how much more in tune we are with our bodies? I'm so glad to hear how happy you are. Looks like it's shapin' up to be a wonderful summer for you!

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