Friday, August 30, 2013

Night before weigh-in

As I look over the past week, I feel very good about how I did following my new food plan.  I definitely was going through a roller coaster with major headaches and biting hunger but those things eventually did subside as my body was getting used to things.  I also had to recognize that there are times when I am very knowledgeable and other times when I don't have a clue.  When it comes to food and eating in a healthy way for more than just the moment, I really don't know what I'm doing.  Sure, I know that burning more calories than you consume will lead to weight loss and I know that a plentiful supply of fruits and veggies is what our bodies need.  That old adage about "an apple a day will keep the doctor away" seems to have validity.  Yet, when it comes to living in a healthy way, not only physically, but mind, body and spirit, I just have to relearn.  Intellectually, of course I know these things to be true.  Yet, emotionally, the place where it counts for me the most, all the knowledge is not going to make a bit of difference.  It's as if that part of my brain just isn't wired the same as it may be in other people when it comes to food.  I'm glad that this part of my journey will be slower than it was on Optifast.  In just a matter of mere months, I dropped a huge amount of weight, was half my body size, lost my hair, had saggy skin and just a whole host of things.  Of course it was an emotional whirlwind that I was trying to maneuver through.  I didn't even recognize my own face in the mirror - how exactly was I not going to be affected by all of that?  As I was eating dinner tonight, I really enjoyed my meal.  I mean really enjoyed it.  Except for one dish, I have absolutely loved all the Jenny Craig cuisine so far.  This feels like something I can really do.  Now, granted, I am saying this with not even having completed a week on the program, but it's a terrific start.

So now, in terms of my weigh-in tomorrow, I am feeling anxious.  I'm not going to lie about that.  When I got home from work today, all I wanted to do is work out but it was ridiculously hot and humid here today.  Then I said to myself, "Okay, if I get up really early tomorrow and get a hard core workout in, I can lose like three more pounds before my weigh in if I don't eat or drink anything."  Rational thinking?  Um, nope.  I am admitting that - it's not rational.  I can just relax, enjoy the rest of the evening and do everything that I would normally do in the morning.  If I get up at a good time and I'm feeling like I want to get exercise in, I can do that but I don't get to kill myself in the process and I definitely don't get to do that in an effort to have a lower number on that scale.  And I absolutely do not get to skip breakfast!  This is about being healthier, not obsessive.  It's so easy to go there, isn't it?  I definitely will share my feelings with my consultant so that I'm being as honest as possible.  It's things like this that have caused me to go to food in the past for comfort and I want to break that cycle.  I don't have to race to the finish line and I think that's where the anxious feelings are coming from.  I am just so tired of fighting the weight battle, you know what I mean?  Breathe Kathy.


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