Sunday, January 20, 2013

Never forgetting what it was like

I have a very serious question to ask ... am I the only one annoyed by the free food give away stands they have in Costco?  I don't know about you, but I'm there to get in, shop and get out because there's just so many people there.  Even before I started losing weight, I never grabbed the free food at the end of every freakin aisle.  Seriously, every aisle that has food in it has someone giving away a little cup of chicken, sliver of bread or whatever else they have going on.  I was annoyed today when I encountered all of that.  It's not as if it's unexpected, just got under my skin today for some reason.  Oh, wait a minute, I know the reason why.  I got trapped a little in the f-r-e-e-z-i-n-g produce room because people were gathering around a section where food was being given away and it sort of blocked the door.  For people who shop at Costco, you know how cold that room is.  I had to strong-arm my way around the carts and the people looked at me like, "What's her problem??"  Believe it or not, something like that would have been enough to make me want to eat something, just the feeling of frustration.  But I didn't.

I went walking this morning with Sara, which was really nice.  It was gorgeous weather outside and we took a bit of a different route today around the lake for a change of pace.  It had little hills in the path ... not bad and good for my legs.  As I've shared many times here on the blog, I have leg pain, the source of which is suspected to be the osteoarthritis in my knees.  I always knew I had it in my left knee from an accident, but the diagnosis of the right one just happened a few months ago.  I have this muscle achiness in my legs mostly above my knees, in my thighs and up to my hips that leaves me feeling lots of pain.  Although the exercise hurts it, it actually makes it feel some relief at the same time.  It's a weird phenomenon that I couldn't even begin to explain.  Going up and down the little hills that we did today was good for me to get the stretch, even though I have to go a little slower so that I don't hurt myself.  Tomorrow when I go to the gym, I think I'll do some leg exercises to continue working on building good muscle there.

This is all just a reminder that there is a process I need to go through to a healthier life.  It's something I believe we all go through, even though it may look a little different for each person.  I am learning this lesson all too well.  Yesterday my blood sugar went pretty well and I woke up this morning with a reading of 95, which is exactly where I should be.  Then I had a healthy breakfast, went walking with Sara for three and a half miles, then I came home and had a snack.  I did some cleaning around the house and got a call from my mom saying that she needed to cancel her plans with me for today.  So I got in the shower and then had lunch afterwards.  I followed my new food plan as prescribed and logged everything into my Lose It app.  Then, a couple of hours later, I went in to test my blood sugar because I was feeling a little groggy.  It was down again, to 69.  Not horribly low, but given I had carbs with my snack and with my lunch, it shouldn't have been that low.  The doctor said anytime it is below 70, I need to eat 15g of carbs to raise it back up, so I grabbed a few crackers before heading to Costco.  That possibly could have lent to me being irritated with the snackers there.

What can I do except continuing to do what I have been doing and making adjustments along the way?  The one thing I do recognize is that taking care of myself is something I must always diligently do and I have to make it a priority.  I realized, too, that even if I didn't have diabetes and low blood sugar, that is something that will have to be the case for me if I want to live a healthier life.  I have to always be diligent about making time for exercise, preparing my meals and making decisions that aid towards good health.  Sometimes I wonder to myself if people who read my blog want to hear about the ups and downs of day to day life, especially as someone who has diabetes and other issues, all while trying to lose weight.  Then it hit me, "Kathy, your story probably resonates with readers in some way or another."  Maybe you don't have diabetes, but you've got some other health concern.  Maybe you don't have as much weight to lose as I did - it could be that you have more to lose or you want to prevent it from happening.  Maybe you're a person considering going on Optifast and want to read what it's been like for me while I was on the program and now how things are going afterwards.  Whatever the reason, strangers and friends alike, I'm glad you're here so that I can share my journey with you.  Even if you're lurking and never send me a message, that's okay, too.  That's what I did in the beginning.  I do know for sure that I'm so much more grateful to be in this space today than I was a year ago when I was thinking of starting Optifast.  I can't ever forget what those days were like.  As much pain as I go through now, it's nothing like it was living as I was before.  I was always breathing heavy, sweating, tired most of the time, never wanting to exercise, overeating constantly, diabetes out of control, high cholesterol, high blood pressure ... oh the list goes on and on.  I pray I never, ever forget what it was like.  Do you remember what things were like when you were at your worst? 


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