Tuesday, January 1, 2013

I'm really trying to understand this

People that know me know that I have a "Type A" personality in many ways.  In order to tackle an unknown problem or situation, I need to know the "why's" to get to the bottom of things.  In that way, I'm like a dog with a bone - relentless and I might end up growling a little if you threaten to take my bone away.  So the issue of my low blood sugar readings has left me utterly confused.  When I was having the Optifast products and nothing else, my blood sugar went on the lower side but I think the lowest I got was around 70.  I did not suffer from low blood sugar readings like I have been since being back on full-food.  I didn't have the sweating in the middle of the night, the shakes, the disorientation or any of the other symptoms that I now have. In fact, our Optifast counselor told us the program was actually low carb.  I believe each of my Optifast 70 shakes had 9 grams of carbs per serving and even the 800 product has around 20 if I'm recalling correctly.  Yet, now that I'm back on food, there's no way that I can eat in a low-carb way without producing very low blood sugar readings, more than what I've already been experiencing.  And that leaves me more confused than I think I've ever been.  I need my doctor to explain this to me when I see her in a couple of weeks.  The fact that the readings are so low now makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong, even though I know I'm not doing anything wrong.  If anything, I am following everything to the freakin letter and documenting every morsel that goes in my mouth, every moment of exercise and I'm testing my blood sugar at least 10 times a day, often times more than that.

Like  clockwork, I woke up today shaking, sweating and feeling out of sorts.  I knew immediately what it was and I started crying.  I'm doing everything I can to be completely open to this process and taking care of my body, even when my blood sugar is low.  That means that I have to have sugar or heavy carbs to raise it and I know that I'm gaining weight as a result.  I can feel it in my clothes.  I climbed out of bed, turned on the light in the kitchen and pulled out my meter.  My result was 54, yet it was 73 when I went to bed.  As I type this, I know I'm going to be awoken the same way tomorrow morning.  It makes me dread going to bed because I know it won't be a full night of rest and I'll have to deal with a very serious medical situation when I wake up again.  I completely envy people who are on Optifast who have had no medical issues or even certain medical conditions that can be controlled  through their medications, even people who are friends. 

There's no way I can adequately describe the emotions that I have been going through with all of this.  All I wanted to do was lose weight to be healthy, yet it seems like this has challenged me in a way I never, ever anticipated when I began.  That's not to say I would change anything in terms of my journey to lose weight because I know that even though I've had a lot of medical stuff come up, ultimately the best fighting chance I have for having a long life is to be healthy.  Who knows, maybe I would have chosen another path to lose the weight outside of Optifast had I known about all the medical challenges before I started.  Yet, I don't know for certain that everything is as a result of the products.  Many people do the program every day and have absolutely no problem.  It's just that, in my case, I am having a really rough time with all of this.  I am grateful though that I have the loving support of wonderful friends and family.  They loved me before all of this started and continue to love me just as much now as I face incredible daily challenges.  If you are going through Optifast or weight loss in general with no complications, please count your blessings.  You can't even begin to imagine how difficult this is while dealing with medical conditions that are life threatening.

My father is due to arrive from out of town tomorrow to visit with me for a couple of days.  His arrival is such a timely gift from God because I just need a good hug.  I need to hear him tell me that everything is going to be okay and that I'll make it through this difficult time like I've made it through so many other difficult times in my life.  The last time he has seen me in person was a year and a half ago ... when I had cancer.  I'm glad this visit is under better circumstances, but I wish he could make this all better.  Thinking back to when you were a child, did you have a parent or other adult in your life who was your rock?  A person that just made everything better by their mere presence?  That's my dad and I need to lean on him like I did when I was a child.  As an adult, I don't lean on my parents like I used to when I was a kid.  Probably because I'm too independent, too stubborn and perhaps a little too prideful.  I'm really looking forward to this visit.


Big Heart said...

Soon you will find out what's going on so hold on to patience as much as you can! I know it's tough :( And with all the health issues you've come across, anyone would be going nuts trying to find out. Have fun with your Dad!

Melissa said...

I'm going to send you a PM. Been so busy and unable to correspond regularly. I think you need to see a doctor immediately. Even if it means going to "Urgent Care" (don't know if you have that in California). We need to get you relief NOW. Help is on the way!

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