Wednesday, October 3, 2012

God, please don't let me EVER forget

Quite an emotional day for me.  I was checking in with a friend at work today, letting her know how it's been going adding a meal back into my plan.  Eerily, there is a peace about me when it comes to the food.  I had such great fear swell up inside when I was abruptly told to add a meal of actual food and not just the Optifast 70 shakes.  Yet, I've been walking through the fear.  As I was telling her about this, she pulled out her cell phone and told me she wanted to show me something as she was sitting at her desk and I was standing on the other side of it.

She handed me the phone and there I was in a pic taken on my birthday last year, December 4th.  I'm posting it below, along with a pic taken just last week of what I look like now for comparison sake.  Take a look.

I saw the pic on her cell phone and immediately my eyes welled with tears, and then her eyes welled with tears and, before you knew it, we were both gone.  She showed it to me so that I could be reminded where I came from.  Sadly, my weight would get higher than what you see in the top picture.  Lord help me, but I never, ever want to forget the pain of living in that body.  Not only physically, but emotionally as well.  Look at that picture, beyond the smile on my face ... I mean really look at me.  There was such misery and despair there. 
Eating regular food again has brought up so many emotions, but the most important one is that I'm really getting to see how strong a person I am.  I am handling the food just fine.  More than fine actually.  I'm weighing and measuring my amounts and feeling awesome about the choices I'm making.  I made the most delish salmon, steamed broccoli and salad for dinner tonight.  It was beautiful and tasted amazing.  Oh how I've missed the fish, especially salmon.  I put Mrs. Dash and salt substitute on it and it was probably the best tasting salmon I think I've ever had. 
I'm sitting here typing on my laptop in just utter amazement at the work God has done in me.  Some would say I did all the work, and they're perfectly entitled to their opinion on that.  My opinion is that God has carried me through this, given me amazing power every single step of the way, and I know He will continue to do so.  I have been given strength to move mountains and each day I come back asking for more.  There is so much hope and opportunity sitting in front of me.  That feels completely awesome.


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