Sunday, October 14, 2012

Stop being so negative

My mom came over to spend some time with me today and I got the full force of her negativity put on to me.  I was telling her about the medical tests I was waiting to hear back on, which I told myself I was not going to do until I knew more, but she could see something was wrong on my face.  So when I told her, she went into this space about how people gain weight back after the program, how I need to stop immediately and that she knows a better way.  My mother is overweight herself and has only gotten larger as I've gotten smaller, so I'm assuming her little rant had more to do with her issues than mine.  Here I sit, having lost a load of weight eight months after starting, living on shakes almost the entire time (until a meal was added in recently) and as I'm getting closer to the end, now she decides to just give it to me full force?  Seriously??

Okay, I know I'm trying to understand her thinking and really that is none of my business.  She is going to feel how she is going to feel.  I did, though, tell her I need her support and I did not need to hear her negative thoughts.  Those she could keep to herself, thank you very much.  I did tell her that I would not be putting myself in harm's way and would get off the fast and transition back onto food following the clinic's guidelines if it turns out that I'm in any sort of danger.

Here's what I know about my medical tests that were taken late last week:  I definitely have one of the following:
  • Anemia
  • Leukemia
  • Hodgkin's
  • Liver disease
My ferritin levels were through the roof and Kaiser shows online, when you look at lab results, that it is one of the above items.  Obviously I am now hoping I'm anemic and not any of the other things.  The waiting is the part that drives me nuts.  The way Kaiser works is that all of your lab results are available online (unless it's something like cancer).  Then, you receive an e-mail stating you have new results listed in your account.  This can happen at any time and, in this situation, the results came in after the clinic was closed on Friday.  So, technically, I know more than they do right now until they get in tomorrow.  Yet, they are the ones to determine what's going on or if I will have to go for even more tests.

Right now, more than anything, I don't need anyone being a Negative Nancy around me.  I love my mom, but she sometimes just does not have a filter.  Thankfully I've grown enough in my inner strength to hold up my hand and say to her, "Mom, stop it, right now."  My regular weigh-in is tomorrow night at the clinic so I'll be stopping in at the medical office and speaking with their team to find out what's going on.  Hopefully I'll know more by tomorrow night at this time when I post my weekly weigh-in numbers.  I'm feeling a little stressed out right now, needless to say.


Melissa said...

Okay. Deep breath. The great news is all of these things are treatable -- and you will be in tip top shape soon. It sounds like anemia, but the doctors will know for are such a strong woman and handling this beautifully. We all care about you deeply. Keep us informed every step of the way. God only gives us what we can handle...and you will come through this a stronger, healthier woman. Thinking of you and sending prayers your way.

ChaeDarksong said...

I'm crossing my fingers for you.

I am 3 weeks into the Optifast program. I haven't been straight as an arrow. Yesterday I spent 8 hrs in a restaurant but the damage wasn't horrible. I applaud you for sticking straight with the shakes.

I just wanted to let you know that I am grateful for this blog so I know that other people are going throught the same thing (besides my group, of course)

Kathy said...

Thank you both for your support! On to the next part of this journey with the neurologist. There's got to be an answer in here somewhere.

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