Weekly weigh-in

I am perplexed, that's all I can say.  I went to my Optifast clinic tonight and wanted to find out what was going on with the medical tests they ran last week.  My ferritin levels were definitely in the abnormal range (as were two other tests), but what they were looking for was something too low and mine were too high.  So, it turns out I don't have anemia ... or any of the other diseases that were possibilities.  Trust me when I say I was definitely relieved.  But, I was also left feeling very confused, frustrated and a bit angry.  I mean, WTF??  What is going on with me then?

I told the physician's assistant, actually both of them as I saw two of them together, this is not a figment of my imagination.  I am in real pain.  I have real limitation with the weakness in my legs.  I have real lightheadedness that makes me lean against a wall almost every time I get up from sitting down.  They didn't doubt me, but I felt like I just needed to say it out loud.  Actually, I wanted to scream at someone, anyone.  I want to be more active, I want more and yet my own body is holding me back.  Actually,  I just want to feel "normal" - getting up and not feeling dizzy, no gripping pain on my thighs when I do something simple as sit down in a chair.  Yes, I do manage to walk long distances, but I have to really push through the pain every single day.  I wake up with the pain, I have it all day long and it goes to bed with me, only to start it fresh the next day.  When people see my weight loss and ask me how I feel, I have to be selective with my words.  Yes, I feel so much better than I felt at over 400 pounds, but do I feel good?  Well, no.

The next step is that I have been referred to a neurologist.  I did ask the P.A.'s if the Optifast product is causing this or what I should do in relation to that.  Everybody has a different reaction and side effects to being on product, so I felt compelled to ask even though I didn't want them taking me off.  They said to stay on the product because it definitely is healthy, but then talk to the neurologist about it.  If that person feels it's best for me to get off the product, then we'll go from there and follow the plan they have for people who are not on product but still doing a weight reduction program.  I am not about to quit, so don't worry anybody.  I have worked really hard to get to this spot and I am not about to throw the white flag in the air now.  Oh hell no to that!

On a much happier note, I am thrilled to report that I lost three and a half pounds this week making my grand total  ...

190 pounds lost

I mean, woo hoo on that front!!  I began eight months ago and I've lost an unreal amount of weight.  At the end of the day, despite all the physical and medical setbacks that I have been encountering, I'm still doing the best I can and it appears my best is pretty good.  Seriously, thank you ALL for your support.  Whether I know you in person, met you online, we text each other on our phones or we've never exchanged words, I need you all to know that I could never have come this far without you and I know I'll need all of you as I continue along in my journey.  This is one of the most challenging things I've ever done in my life, yet I know I don't walk alone in this and I'm so grateful for that.