Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Learning to not be all or nothing

I had a very busy, but good, day at work.  I didn't sleep much last night so when I came home and spotted one of my kitties laying on my bed, I decided to lay down next to her for "just a minute".  An hour and a half later, I woke up.  Dang it!  I wanted to exercise so badly, thought about it all day long, but it was too late in the day to go for a three mile (or longer) walk.  If I did, it would be dark by the time I came home and I just don't feel comfortable walking on busy streets in the dark.  Sometimes I wrestle with old Kathy that says if you can't do it perfectly, then don't do it at all.  Then there's the Kick-Ass Kathy that reminds me that it doesn't have to be all or nothing, as if I live in a black or white world.  There are many lovely shades of grey (no ladies, not Fifty Shades!).

So I changed my clothes, laced up my shoes and did a lovely mile and a half walk before it got dark.  During the walk, I thought back to when I first started this journey in February.  I could barely walk a couple of blocks and back home without feeling winded, let alone sweating because of all the excess weight I was carrying.  In comparison, today as I walked, I felt strong and happy.  I felt muscles in my legs that I didn't have before, I wasn't winded at all and I was thrilled to be getting in the exercise.  I can't begin to express to you the physical changes that have come over me.  I don't mean in the sense of the weight loss, which is wonderful, of course.  I mean the sense of empowerment I have, the knowing that I do actually have much more strength and resilience than I ever gave myself credit for.  It's about feeling my body doing the things it was made to do, not living in regret because it hurt too much to move.  I still have physical issues that I deal with, the same as a lot of people I'm sure, but the point is that I can still manage to take good care of this one body that God gave me.  A mile and a half would have been a very long distance for me before and I need to never forget that.


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