Part of this process in losing weight is so difficult and I just need to say that. Today I had a hard day with emotions. I have a work injury that I have been trying to deal with. I have had physical therapy and surgery, but it's not better. Thankfully I have an attorney to help me wade through this process and is helping me to get the medical care I need. However, today when I was seeing the doctor (a different one) and he was putting some gel on my hands that helps with the pain, I just started crying. The thing about me is I am good in a crisis - I handle things well in the moment. It is in the after moments that things start to hit me and I think that's where I was today. I felt like I was really being taken care of, just in those few moments, and it was very nice but also hard. I think it was tough because I realized I don't do enough to take care of myself, a contributing factor that led to the perfect storm of me going on Optifast in the first place. There is safety and security, however false, behind the food. When that crutch is gone, all you are left with is you, being forced to walk through the feelings. So that is what I am doing. However, I do have motivation to keep going on this road. Below are pictures I took of me behind the steering wheel. The red one is before I started the program. Look how close I am to the steering wheel. I drove like that, my tummy touching everytime I was in the car. The black one is a picture I took this morning. They are behind the same wheel in the same car (looks a little different because one is during the middle of the day and the other was under dark clouds) and my seat is in the same exact position.
It's tangible stuff like that that helps me remember the food is going to do nothing for me that I think it might when I'm having a moment of wanting to go to it. I love the black and white of doing this program. It almost makes it easy to say I'm not going to go to the food because I know I am not supposed to have it. I say "almost" easy because really it is not easy at all. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life to not be in the food and, instead, walk through emotions that might pop up.
2 comments:
Good job! It is hard to forge a new relationship with food. We want it to solve all our problems. It can solve some of them - nurtures and heals our body, and tastes good - but there are lots of needs it can't help with, like solving problems, nurturing our soul and giving us a meaningful, fulfilling life. I think food for me can be a quick bandaid, and then when you stop using it, ugh, what's underneath. But exposure to the air helps heal! ;-)
You are so right ... we have given food much more power than it ever deserved. Thinking about it, it really is silly to think food will solve problems and give comfort, but yet that is how I lived my life. I am grateful that Optifast is giving me the opportunity to take focus off of food.
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