End of my week off

Hi everyone.  This past week has been pretty awesome.  I got to have Spring Break from both my job and grad school, so it was truly a vacation.  I spent a week having lunch with friends, doing things around the county, and just getting in some sleep. Speaking of sleep, I got the results of my sleep study in earlier during the week.  If you'll recall, I participated in another sleep study at the end of last week to determine if I still have sleep apnea after having the gastric bypass. I just was struggling with sleeping on the CPAP and I always have so my sleep doctor recommended that we do another study.  I am beyond thrilled to let you all know that the results of the sleep study showed, drumroll please, I NO LONGER HAVE SLEEP APNEA!  You read that right, it's gone.  Sorry for the shouty capital letters but I think it was appropriate. The only way possible to reverse sleep apnea, and this doesn't happen all the time, is by weight loss.  I went from being classified as having severe sleep apnea to no obstruction at all.  Talk about wanting to do a jig after I found out. 

Sometimes I really do struggle emotionally with my feelings after having had weight loss surgery. Difficult emotions rise up and you're forced to deal with them otherwise you return to old patterns. I didn't sacrifice everything I did to have this life-altering surgery just to throw it down the drain.  So I have to walk through tough feelings, like not being able to eat most meat without wanting to throw up, some hair loss (although not nearly as bad as others) or the excess skin that is here with all of the weight loss.  However, I have an amazing support system in my life that lets me know I'm not alone and that I'm very much loved. That means so much to me.  I'm continuing to do good things for myself, like having great workouts at the gym.  The surgery was a tool but I still have work to do.  I wish I could explain that in a way people can truly understand.  It's not the easy way out.  Honestly, it's much more difficult.  My anatomy is different now and it always will be.  I'm not complaining, just expressing this wasn't an easy decision but one that has literally saved my life.  I'm really grateful.

End of a quarter, sleep study and finding my size

Hi everyone. I've had a lot going on since my last post.  I finished another quarter of grad school, which was a horrible bear at the end.  I had five papers and a PowerPoint presentation that I had to submit, all within a few days of each other.  There's a point, when you're writing so many papers, that you just can't think any more.  I wondered how good my work really was going to be after it was all said and done.  I haven't gotten grades back from one of my classes yet, but I ended up getting an A in my other class.  Woo hoo!  I've got a 4.0 GPA since I started grad school and I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for that.  Nine week sessions go by so fast, especially when it's advanced work and I'm driving a long distance each time to make it happen.  I love my program, though.  It feels exactly like what I should be doing.  I'm now on Spring Break from that and then start my next round of classes a week from Monday.  I'm also off of work at the same time for our Spring Break at school, so I get to truly relax.  I have a lot of get-togethers planned with friends and not thinking about working or studying.

A couple of days ago, I participated in another sleep study.  This one is to determine if the sleep apnea I have been diagnosed with is now gone since I've lost so much weight since the gastric bypass was done.  I dreaded doing the sleep study because I could not sleep to save my life with all the things they have you hooked up to.  Just imagine what I had to sleep with ... you have a lanyard you're supposed to put over your neck and then tighten.  Attached to it is a device about the length of an iPhone 6+ or Galaxy and the width is probably about five inches or so.  That lays on the middle of your chest plate.  Attached to it are five chords.  Two get hooked in to a belt you have strapped across your chest, two get hooked in to a belt strapped around your waist and the last one leads to a device you have to insert into your nostrils.  For that part of it, you have to take four Band-Aids and stick them to the chord and your face so it doesn't move around in the middle of the night.  Then you also have another chord that leads to a device that straps around one of your fingers.  The machine then tells you if everything is hooked up correctly.  If it is, you may go to sleep and have a restful night of dreaming.  Oh, and if you're a tummy sleeper like me, you have to slide everything around to your back without unhooking any of the chords or belts.  Sure, restful night of sleep my ass!!  I'll find out next week what the verdict is.  I cannot sleep with the CPAP machine ever since I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, so I really pray I no longer have it.

The other day, after I went to the Sleep Clinic to get the device for the sleep study, I went over to Lane Bryant in hopes of getting some t-shirts that I can work out in.  Everything I wear to the gym is just way too big on me.  I'm forever exposing my sports bra because my shirts keep sliding off my shoulder. So when I went in there, I grabbed some shirts and went to try them on.  When I had my gastric bypass, I was wearing a 30/32 size.  I know I'm smaller now, but my head still is not in the game.  The pants I fit into now are an 18/20 but I still choose to wear the 22/24's.  On the top, I'm bigger.  So, when I went into the dressing room, I grabbed 26/28's, figuring that is smaller than I used to be.  When I tried them on, they were waaaay too big.  I'm down more than 100 pounds since the surgery ... of course they're going to be too big!  So I ended up buying 22/24's.  Honestly, those are still too big because when I put the tops on at home, I was still swimming in them.  This surgery is more than just losing the weight, there's an emotional component to it as well.  The surgeon didn't fit what's going on inside my head around all of this.  That part is going to take just as much work to conquer as workouts do at the gym.  I know I'll get there but there are growing pains along the way.  The flip side of this, though, is I'd rather have the problem of dealing with a shrinking body than a growing one.

Tuesday was a great day

What, two posts from me in a week? Something must be in the water.  I had a really good day.  It was a busy one for me at work, but in the middle of it, I asked my friend to snap a full-length photo of me because I haven't taken one in a while.  Here's a comparison pic. The purple is me about a year ago and the black is me today.

I am working hard at staying in positive light and moving forward with taking good care of myself, not only physically but emotionally, too.  Sometimes that's not the easiest thing in the world, but seeing where I've come from, like in the pic, gives me great perspective.  I tend to focus on the work I have yet to do.  However, when I do that, I forget how absolutely far I have come.  And it has been really far.  Light years.  That doesn't mean I'm completely not the girl in the purple shirt, just a happier, more confident version.  When I was at the gym tonight, that place was absolutely hopping.  My shirt was completely drenched in sweat because I was working hard and instead of feeling like I didn't belong there, I knew in my soul there was a place for me there just like everyone else.  I was actually chuckling to myself because some guy was blatently checking me out while I was working on one of the bars in the stretching area.  I was doing this exercise where you hold onto the bar (looks like a silver ballet bar attached to the wall) with one hand, then kick as high as you can forward with the other leg and then land your foot behind you in a pivoting motion, only to repeat the process again.  I was doing a couple of sets of 15 on each leg and this guy was near me working on an arm machine.  Except he wasn't working, he was watching my long legs do their thing.  More like staring really.  I felt like saying something smart to him, but I refrained.  Oh, I just remembered something more than awesome that happened this morning that completely slipped my mind until just now.  This girl, who used to weigh 420 pounds, can now use a regular-sized towel to dry off when taking a shower.  I always had the bigger bath towels that were more like beach towels because regular ones wouldn't wrap around me.  I was still using them, assuming I was too big for the other ones, but they were in the dryer so I was forced to try to use a regular one and that bad boy wrapped around my smaller body with no problem.  How crazy is that?  Those out there reading this who have been forced to use bigger towels can especially appreciate how amazing this is.  I'm grateful for the good day I had.

New beginnings

Hi everyone!  I didn't realize it had actually been a month since I posted, but an anonymous person left me a message asking where I was.  Thank you, friend.  I seriously didn't realize it had been that long.  I haven't meant to not give my blog that much time in the last few months.  It has been a very important part of my journey, a place where I can be honest about feelings and emotions as I go through my weight loss and life.  Perhaps that's why I haven't been writing, because it's the very thing that helps me search my soul.  That's something I seriously need to think about.  I promise myself, and you, that I'm not abandoning my blog.  In fact, I need to kick up posting here routinely again.  I know, I've said this before but honestly the benefits are so substantial that I need to do it.  After I'm done posting this, I'll put a calendar reminder on my phone.  Maybe that will help me get my butt in gear.

Today is officially seven months since I got the gastric bypass done.  In so many ways, the time has flown by.  In other ways, it has been creeping by.  Things are so much different for me now since the surgery.  It not only rearranged my insides and helped me lose 100 pounds since the surgery (yahoo!), but it has really affected my outlook on life.  Don't worry though, they have been positive things for me.  I am a much stronger person who goes after things that I might have been too shy or afraid to do before.  Sometimes that hasn't always worked out, but life is all about taking risks to get rewards.  Putting your neck out there isn't the easiest thing.  One thing, for example, has been dating.  What a scary thing to do for a lot of people, but even more so for a person who has always had a weight problem, feeling insecure about her looks and attractiveness to men, and losing weight at the same time.  I've met some men who I have dated, others who are examples of the negative side of online dating and everything in between.  I was recently dating someone who got very intense very fast with me and ended up asking me for money while professing love.  No, I didn't give him money (I'm a smarter girl than that) and, yes, I ended our relationship.  It wasn't easy because I had feelings for him, but it's what I knew was the right thing to do for myself.  So, I'm single ... again.  I'm taking a little break from dating for a bit after that one.  When I think about it, though, my ability to have so many men interested must mean I'm not as ugly as my fat-girl head wants me to believe I am.  Sure, some may have had ulterior motives, but I'm still attractive enough to get attention from interested people. 

Yesterday I went and got another tattoo.  I'm 43 years old and always wanted tattoos, but I suppose I never had the courage to go after them because of the pain I imagined in my mind, the fact that they are permanent and I also probably cared way too much about what my parents think.  They are both very conservative and have voiced negative opinions about them in the past so I knew they wouldn't be supportive.  But, like I mentioned above, the surgery changed so much in me and I have come to realize this life is way too short.  The last tattoo I got was the butterfly on my back flying away from my surgery date.  I always get compliments on that one when people see it.  Obviously I love it.  The one I got yesterday is a cherry blossom on my leg.  Cherry blossoms are delicate and cherished for their beauty.  Think about when cherry blossoms bloom on the east coast and how much they are adored.  They signify new beginnings, new life, strength and beauty.  That's what I'm all about these days.  I'm going to post some pics below so that you can see the process I went through to get the tat.  It took four hours, but I had the banter of two special friends, as well as the tattoo artist, so the time flew by.  Yes, it was painful.  My leg even had involuntary reflexes when he inked certain parts but I managed just fine. It actually wasn't bad overall, just some parts, particularly when he was doing the outlining and the fact that it was near or on top of big bones.  I'm absolutely thrilled with the outcome.  Maybe next time I'll make it to more than three months before I get my next tat.  No guarantees, though :)

Working it

Things have been going well.  Both my father and brother are out of the hospital, thank you, God.  My father now has about two months of recovery at home before they re-do the hip replacement.  He is in very good spirits and has such a positive attitude.  I respect him so much for having the strength to get through everything he has been dealing with without breaking down.  He had a hip replacement that got infected, had the hip replacement removed, a spacer inserted, has been in the hospital six separate times, rehab for the last six weeks or so and then has to have the hip replacement redone.  My brother has been put on new medication and they are hoping this will work instead of having a new heart transplant done.  If not, he will go back on the list in a few months.  I continue to pray daily for my family.

I started working with my personal trainer.  She is just so awesome and it was such a great decision on my part.  I'll be working with her for three months.  We will be checking my weight and measurements every three weeks.  I shared with her my experience of having weight loss surgery and my attempts of weight loss.  She was in awe of me and actually told me that I was an inspiration to her.  Wow, I had to pick my jaw off the floor.  I started a separate page on here for all of my strength training workouts if you'd like to follow along or at least get the benefit of a personal trainer without having to pay for it.  There's a link for it at the top of the page.  I'm doing things with her that has taken every ounce of courage to do in the middle of the gym.  When people work with personal trainers, others in the gym watch.  It's a very big gym so this isn't easy.  One time I was doing cardio while she was training someone else and I swear every pair of eyes was looking in the corner where she was doing the training and watching.  Yet, I don't let that stop me.  I've even done weight lifting in the section where all the men with muscles do the majority of their work.  What's been interesting for me is that they are not looking at me and mocking me for being the fat lady trying to work out (which is what I had envisioned in my mind).  Instead, they are looking at me and smiling, even checking out my legs when I stand in front of the mirror focusing on my form.  It's been so weird!  I almost feel, dare I say, normal.

I also have seen the dietician at Kaiser's Positive Choice center, which is part of a service I can employ after surgery for help with my nutritional needs.  I just have been feeling weak and lightheaded.  I wanted to make sure that I was doing the right things for my body with the increased exercise.  When I work out, I'm burning about 900-1100 calories a day with just exercise.  Given I was eating 800 calories a day, it makes so much sense that I was feeling the way I was.  The dietician told me that 800 calories a day is just not enough for a person that exercises as vigorously as I am.  He did a mathematical calculation based on how many calories are in protein and what I was taking in each day.  He told me to increase my calories to 1200 per day instead of the 800 my bariatric surgeon recommended.  He understands where the doctor was coming from, but we do need to take into account how much I'm burning during workouts.  When I asked him how I should increase the calories, he said it is as simple as making sure I'm getting enough healthy fats in my diet such as coconut oil or almond butter.  He also told me I need to take in 100 grams of protein per day now with the increased calories and to ensure I am hydrating enough.  He stated that I should try to get in as many fluids as possible earlier in the day but to shoot for at least eight cups.  He also agreed that the strength training I'm getting with my trainer is especially valuable in dealing with excess skin and having a toned body because we can lose a lot of muscle mass with significant weight loss if we are not also incorporating strength training.

So, my friends, I'm working it and taking good care of myself.  It's a long time coming, that's for sure.

Updates in my world

Oh my goodness, I had absolutely no clue that I have not been blogging as infrequently as I have.  All I can say is that I am incredibly sorry.  Sincerely.  Things have just been so busy with work, dating and graduate school.  No, these are not excuses but I have to own what has been going on. So let's see if I can update a few things.

I went to see my surgeon this past Monday for a check-up appointment.  He is absolutely thrilled with my progress.  Here I was thinking I wasn't doing great because I'm in a stall right now but he actually told me that I'm doing amazing.  Amazing?  Yes!  At three months, their hope is to have Bariatric patients at a 60 pound loss.  As of that morning, I think I was at a 73 pound loss.  He said all of my numbers looked fantastic and that, basically, I'm a very healthy girl.  Let me tell you, that was absolutely wonderful news.  I always worry that I'm not getting in enough protein.  I know I certainly don't get in enough water and I have to do a better job of drinking it.  It has always been my challenge to get in enough water, but it is even more of a challenge now that I can only take sips.  However, the sips are bigger now so I need to remember that the drinking is for continued good health.

On the dating front, I can't even begin to tell you how crazy that has been. I was seeing someone exclusively but there were issues there and so I decided to stop that relationship. So I have been dating other people and getting to know them. Online dating is not an easy adventure at all but it has been fun and certainly entertaining. I keep telling friends that I need to keep records of the various people who contact me - their pictures,  their comments, their messages - because it will make a fantastic book one day, certainly entertaining.  The one thing I can say is that of the various men who have contacted me, I certainly have felt incredibly beautiful and pretty. When I started this online dating adventure, I was hoping that perhaps I would be contacted by one or two people but it has been amazing to me that it's been quite the opposite experience. On a daily basis, I have no less than about 10 men contact me who are interested in getting to know me better.  Obviously there are some that are just out for sex but that's not surprising when it comes to online dating.  You take the good with the bad.  They have been distracting, however, so I have to be aware that the time I spend talking to various people takes me away from other activities so I need to be careful about that.

Grad school has been going great. It certainly is a lot of work, don't get me wrong. However, I am really enjoying the program and the fellow students in my cohort that I work with.  I love my program and I'm so glad that I decided to pursue this masters program.  Right now, the work I need to do in the program has to take priority over dating certainly and any other activities that I choose to participate in that distract me from spending the time on my graduate work.

Today I have myself s very special treat, one that has been in the works for quite some time.  I have always wanted a tattoo and I decided to go for it and get myself one for my birthday that's was last week.  I had something very specific in mind.  I wanted to commemorate the fantastic journey I have been on since getting the weight loss surgery.  I'm about halfway to goal and so I wanted something special that symbolizes the things I have been through.  So my idea was to inscribe the date of my surgery and a beautiful, colorful butterfly flying away from it.  It would symbolize freedom, hope and a new beginning.  Through a friend, I found an artist who was able to bring my vision to life.  Now, I have never had a tattoo before so I was imagining a world of pain.  People telling me that it would be crazy painful didn't help things at all.  But I figured that if I was brave enough to have gastric bypass surgery, I was brave enough for this.  It took three hours of me laying in my tummy, but I did it!  Thanks to my good friend who stayed with me the entire time and took pics.  That meant so much to me.  In terms of the pain, it wasn't bad at all for the most part.  Most of the time, it felt like just a deep scratching.  There were times, though, where it hurt because it was near bone.  That tends to hurt more.  Anyway, I put together a little pic slideshow.  Click on the following link to view it: 

http://flipagram.com/f/NVYGOz4lII

Here is the finished product.

This was an amazingly emotional experience but one that I would do in a heartbeat.  The tattoo artist accidentally left out a line in the date, so it should say 8-22-2014 in Roman numerals.  That's an easy fix so he will work on that this week.

Okay, I think I have you all caught up for now.  I do have to work on blogging here more though.  Thanks for continuing to follow along!

Weekly weigh-in

I lost 3.4 pounds this week, bringing my total to 56.5 pounds since the surgery.  Hooray!  Even better is the fact that I'm in the 200's now.  That is very emotional for me.  I remember the day when I was regaining weight lost after Optifast and I was telling myself that was 300 pounds was my limit in terms of the highest I was willing to go again.  That was my line in the sand.  Sadly, that turned out to not be true at all.  At the beginning of this, I was wearing a size 30/32 and now I'm fitting into 22/24.  Holy smokes, that just blows my mind on so many levels.  Needless to say, I'm glad I chose to have the gastric bypass surgery.  It is a tool ... it doesn't do all the work, I do.  But it has been a beautiful gift to me.  I continue to be frustrated by my tummy that seems to be upset with a lot of different foods, but I'm finding my way.  Hope everyone is doing well!

Weekly weigh-in and feeling beautiful

Sorry I'm a few days late postings stats for the week. This week's weigh-in had me with a loss of 3.5 pounds.  It was that time of the month so I was glad to lose what I did.  In fact, I'm happy for every single pound.  It's so amazing to be going through this experience of watching my body shrink before my eyes.  You know how it is just gaining and gaining, feeling clothes tighter and tighter.  Now when I look in the mirror, I'm experiencing clothes not fitting but because I'm swimming in them.  So surreal.  I'm just a few pounds away from being out of the 300's.  Praise God on that!!

If you follow me on Instagram, you will have already seen the pictures and post below but I wanted to share it here on my blog as well.  Occasionally, people will participate in various challenges on Instagram on posting certain kinds of pictures just for fun.  One, for example, is called #stopdropselfie where, if you're tagged by someone else, you take a selfie and post it.  So one of things going around now is to post five pictures that make you feel beautiful.  So here's what I posted, both the text and pictures.

As I started seeing pics people were posting of five photos that make them feel beautiful, I started loving what I was seeing in others and their evolution into seeing their own beauty. At the same time, I was secretly hoping no one would tag me. It's not because I didn't want to participate but because I don't think I'm attractive. I hate admitting that but I vowed to myself that I would always keep it real here. I am of mixed ethnicities so I always felt like I didn't fit in anywhere. Men weren't fawning over me except for one night stands and so I had myself convinced I just must be awful, never mind the fact that I have people calling me beautiful everyday and my ex boyfriend told me that all the time. Anywho, while I was hoping not to get tagged, five amazing and beautiful women did tag me. And to them I wanted to say thank you - @joye_in_the_journey@mindfullyweighting @aubreystrawb_rny@lizzle_rny @teesocray . God really knew what He was doing with me and all of you today. It really helped me see that beauty is there and I don't have to be so freaking self critical! The pics on the top left and middle left were recent after having surgery and losing about 45 pounds. Bottom left is the day I received my undergrad college degree a little over a year ago and I absolutely glowed from the inside out. And the two right pictures are me at my lowest weight of 227 pounds in a size 16. That was two years ago when I was on Optifast and dropped 192 pounds in 8 months. I hope that I am on a continuing road of a healthier life and so much joy I won't be able to stand it. Since surgery two months ago, I'm down 55 pounds, 120 pounds from my highest weight, diabetes is in remission, normal cholesterol and normal blood pressure. All of that makes me feel beautiful. If I tag you, it's your turn! #beautiful #joy #transformation #wls #wlsjourney #wlsjourney #wlscommunity #rny #vsg #weightlosssurgery #postop #newlife

I received some very lovely and incredibly touching responses.  I am so moved by the wonderful people I have met online who give me support (and vice versa) as I travel this curvy road.  This includes all of you reading this right now. Sometimes I am in complete awe of how blessed I am.  I hope my journey touches someone else as well.  

Weekly weigh-in

My loss for this week was 5.3 pounds.  I can't express adequately enough how great it has been to see the weight coming off.  After losing so much weight on Optifast only to steadily regain a lot of it over time, it has been such a battle.  I desperately tried Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig before again considering getting weight loss surgery.  I was trying so hard and then I'd get frustrated and so I'd eat.  The cycle was so difficult emotionally, let alone the toll it was taking on my poor body.  I have a lot of gratitude with the process I'm going through now.  Some sort of switch has happened not only physically but mentally as well.  I'm making taking care of myself a priority and that's not something I have always done.  I do things like take my lunch with me to work instead of stopping to get something or skipping meals.  I took the extra time to pack my gym bag so that I could head there right after work to get exercise in yesterday, which I did.  Last night when I had dinner out with a friend and I was starting to feel full (granted, just after a few bites of food), I stopped whereas before I would have kept going beyond the point of being comfortable.  As I go further and further out from surgery, I am seeing how differently I am approaching my life. Even my smile is much bigger these days.  People notice it all the time.  They have told me I have a glow about me and they love to see my smile.  Isn't that sweet?  I definitely know I'm in the honeymoon period after the surgery, but I'm not gonna knock it.  I'm just going to appreciate the beauty of each day as it comes, with it's highs and lows.

Dining out and letting go of Twitter

I went out with some friends tonight for dinner.  I believe it was my first time out at a restaurant since the surgery.  They were very supportive and wanted to be sure to go somewhere that I could find something to eat so I suggested a Mexican restaurant.  I knew I could probably order beans or fish.  I settled on grilled fish tacos that came with refried beans and rice.

Before you ask yourself if I'm allowed to eat that food yet, the answer is yes and no.  Don't worry, I made sure to take very good care of myself.  I received my statement from the hospital showing that the cost of the surgery and hospital stay was $85,439.  Thankfully my awesome insurance covered it but I'm not about to screw around with my food.  I gave up a lot to have this surgery and it's a huge commitment for the rest of my life.  I ordered my grilled tacos in corn tortillas that I wasn't planning on eating and asked them to serve them without cabbage since it's a bit early for me to eat veggies, especially veggies that aren't well cooked.  I didn't touch the rice at all.  I ended up having the fish with some salsa on top to keep it moist and then the refried beans.  I ate very slowly and thoroughly.  I took the rest home in a box that is enough for probably four more meals!  I really didn't eat much, but I wanted to err on the side of caution since I was away from and I really didn't want to run to the bathroom to throw up.

Switch of topics.  I have had a Twitter account for quite a while, but I've decided it's time to deactivate.  I just haven't been that active on it and I really don't like the feeds that include posts I'm not interested in from accounts I'm not following.  So if anyone is following me over there, this is the reason I won't have any activity going on there any longer.  I'm very active on Instagram, so that account will keep going.  And, of course, I will be continuing to be active on this blog, MyFitnessPal and Fitbit.  I love the accountability of all these social networking avenues.  It's a great way to have so much wonderful support.  I have found that I really need the support after surgery. You'll  never believe how intense things are after having had major surgery that rearranged my insides and forever effects the way I eat food.

Cooking with Kathy: Ricotta

I have been moving slowly with adding new food since surgery due to limitations of my new pouch, Katrina.  My surgeon is cautious about moving too fast through the stages, which I appreciate so much.  My insides are adjusting to the changes so I can't do too much too soon.  I've been in the soft foods stage for a few weeks now.  Since starting that, I have been able to add seafood.  Unfortunately, Katrina has not been happy with fish.  So I have been trying to be creative with my meals given the parameters I have to work with.  I have found some beyond yummy ricotta dishes from friends on Instagram that I love and felt compelled to share.  Ricotta has a lot of protein and is very gentle after weight loss surgery.  These are their recipes but my pictures.  If you are not on Instagram, there is a huge weight loss surgery community there with a ton of support.  My username is misskathyjean if you want to follow me over there.

The first one is courtesy of vsgcountrygirl9.18.14.  She had the vertical sleeve done in September and is finding great success.  Go visit her page for sure!

Ricotta Alfredo Bake

Nutritional value:  Calories 131, 8g protein.  Makes 6 servings.  Yum yum for the tum tum.

8 oz of part-ski ricotta cheese

1 beaten egg

1 tsp Italian bread crumbs

1/2 c. Alfredo sauce

1 c. shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese

1. Mix the ricotta, beaten egg and bread crumbs together in a bowl to almost a whipped consistency.
2. Spread the mixture across the bottom of an oven-safe dish.
3. Spread the Alfredo sauce on top of the mixture.
4. Top with the mozzarella cheese.  You can use 1/2 cup of mozzarella cheese if you'd like it a little less on top.
5. Bake in a 450-degree oven for 20-25 minutes.

Recipe number two is beyond deliciousness!  I have it often, especially now that I've returned to work.  This recipe is courtesy of rocktheshade at Instagram.  This woman is an amazing inspiration, having lost 320 pounds after having a gastric bypass four years ago,  She uses this as a snack, but since my surgery was not that long ago, it is a nice meal size.  I usually have it with a Laughing Cow Light swiss wedge.

Ricotta Whipped Cinnamon

Nutritional value:  Calories 100, 10g protein.  Makes 1 serving.  

100g fat-free ricotta (6.6 tbsp)

20g sugar-free Cool Whip (1.5 tbsp)

Sprinkle of Cinnamon

1 packet of Splenda

Mix all the ingredients together well and enjoy!  I had part-skim ricotta and light Cool Whip, so my calorie count is a little higher at 168 per serving, but I'll get different ingredients next time.  This dish is a great way to get protein in and it tastes sweet, too.  It's not high in sugar, so it's great for gastric bypass pouches and could even be considered a dessert.  I like it because it's very easy to whip up and easy to digest for my very sensitive Katrina.

Even if you haven't had surgery, both these dishes are still great sources of protein.  I happen to love them!

Weekly weigh-in

I had a pretty kick-ass week with a loss of 6.3 pounds.  Hooray!  I have to say that the weight loss is feeling great.  Just in case you may be under the assumption that the surgery did all the work, think again!  I have been exercising a lot and watching the food I eat like a hawk.  I weigh, measure and record every piece of food I have and I'm one hundred percent honest with myself.  The surgery is but a tool.

I had a post-op visit with my surgeon today.  It went really well.  He told me that I am doing a fantastic job on my weight loss.  In fact, he said I am on the high end of loss for those at the same stage as me.  That was a great boost.  I did talk to him about what should be the primary focus - how much protein I get in or the amount of calories.  He told me I should be focusing on both.  I shouldn't get in too much more than 600 calories a day on average, even when I exercise.  He explained that most of the significant weight loss will happen in the first six months.  After that, things drop off dramatically so I want to be sure I'm in the weight loss mode now more than ever.  He is strict on how fast I progress through the stages of adding food back in.  Some doctors move their patients pretty quickly to foods such as chicken or red meat, but that isn't what he does.  Something he explained to me that was surprising is that he said your tummy actually shrinks even more in the weeks following surgery before it gets to a point that the restriction isn't as significant as in the initial phases.  So basically he told me to keep doing what I'm doing.  We talked about other issues I'm having, such as the low blood sugar, light-headedness and more.  He was very patient with all of my questions, which I appreciated.  Sometimes I feel like I ask too many questions, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Change of gears.  A couple of days ago, I posted a picture of myself online in Facebook, MyFitnessPal and on Instagram that was an updated shot of what I'm looking like now after six weeks post-op.  Here it is if you didn't get the opportunity to see it.

I have been floored at the sheer volume of people that have told me I look beautiful and pretty. Sometimes I expect comments like that from friends because it's just something we do:  "Oh, you look so beautiful today" or "Oh my gosh, don't you look pretty!"  However, I posted this picture in a gastric bypass group and on my Instagram feed, so not everyone in those places knows me personally.  They have no vested interest in saying I look pretty except if it's coming from an honest place.  This has been so shocking to me, on one hand, and difficult to deal with on the other.  Of course a woman always loves to hear compliments, but one of my biggest self-esteem issues has always been that I think I look ugly.  I always had a different kind of look.  I wasn't a blonde Barbie but I also wasn't the typical Asian girl either.  My ethnic background is very unique with me being Filipino, German, Hungarian, Norwegian and Scandanavian.  I never really felt like I looked like anyone else and, therefore, on the outside looking.  But here are perfect strangers telling me quite the opposite.  It just helped me realized that I can stop hiding behind my body and come to accept myself just as I am right in this moment, a creation of God, and that's better than just okay.  I don't have to beat myself up by saying that I'm ugly.  Besides, a person is only truly ugly if they're ugly on the inside and I know I'm not.  These are exactly the sorts of things that keeping on weight does for me.  It convinces me that I'm some sort of monster dragging her hands on the ground when that's just not true at all.  When I embrace myself, I am happy with who I am.  Look at that smile in the picture ... that's not fake.

Been Miss Sicky this week

Well, I was supposed to return to work this past Thursday, October 2nd, but that didn't work out so well.  I got really sick and actually thought I had strep throat.  I ended up going to see a doctor to make sure because, if I did, I would have to stay home.  Since I work in a high school and that is highly contagious, that would be horrible.  The doctor I saw, who is not one I usually see, was excellent at being gentle when he swabbed my mouth.  They did two tests, one that had instant results and another that would send cultures to the lab to be on the safe side.  I was negative so he determined that I had a virus and should stay out of work to heal, especially after recovering from major surgery.  After contacting my surgeon's office, we felt it was best that I wait to return until after I see him for a follow-up appointment on Monday.  I've been trying my best to stay at home, don't do things to make my illness worse and just put myself in the best shape to return to work.  I was really disappointed, but I also agreed that it was for the best.

During the week, my blood sugar dropped incredibly low, down to 44, in the middle of the night.  I am so grateful for the amazing work the body can do in protecting against death.  44 is very dangerous and could lead to a diabetic coma.  Thankfully, my body was doing it's job when it started sweating and shaking, waking me up from sleep.  The hard part of it was dealing with getting my blood sugar up and keeping it there.  It went from 44 back up to 107, down to 55 and up again to 85 throughout the night, despite my best efforts.  The next day left it on the lower side as well.  The weird thing is why it happened in the first place ... I don't have any clue.  It's one of the things I need to discuss with my surgeon on Monday.  I've also had more dumping.  I think this makes it nine times now that it's happened.  I'm not eating sweets or anything like that to cause the typical dumping to occur.  Mine has been focused around food that has turned out to be too dry.  I am having to experiment and find different ways of preparing things.  For example, I can only have 1 ounce of crab before I feel like I'm about to dump.  However, if I put it in the food processor and make it into crab salad with light mayo or some sort of sauce, I can have more and I'm perfectly fine.  Dumping is an awful experience, that's for sure.  As I progress, I'm learning to spot warning signs and to really listen to my body.  It speaks to me if I just stop to listen.  Sometimes, though, that's the hardest thing to do.  I don't know about you, but life gets very busy and it's difficult to stop and listen but it's also what I need to do.  I'm trying to do things that will help me change habits that no longer serve me.  Taking care of myself has never been a priority and now I see that is the most important thing.  If I don't have my health, I can't be there for other people, let alone myself.

Weekly Weigh-In

I am thrilled to report that I lost 5.1 pounds this week!  I worked out every single day for that, along with following the surgeon's instructions for this stage after the gastric bypass.  Even better, I'm 102 pounds down from my top weight.  That feels incredibly amazing.  If you've been reading my blog for a long time, you'll know that 420 pounds was my top weight and the time when I started my journey in Optifast.  After losing 192 pounds through that program, I started a quick regain of almost all of my weight, except for about 60 pounds, after I got off of the shakes.  It was a devastating time and I just really felt so lost.  Fortunately, I kept some of my smaller clothes, the ones that were really hard to let go of when I had lost that weight before.  I now fit into a bunch of those, as well as other clothes friends have given me. I'm excited!  By the way, I put a new page on here at the top of the screen with my weekly weigh-in numbers for those who are interested.  This will especially be helpful for those who are pre- or post-op to see how I'm losing each week.

Two left feet and my bout with fish

I have been really kicking butt with the exercise this past week.  I walked every day for at least an hour or more, if not doing other activities in addition to that. While the surgery is a tool, I'm the one that has to do the work.  There are people who have a gastric bypass or other form of weight loss surgery and manage to regain all of their weight.  I want to learn from their examples so that I don't repeat those mistakes.  I sacrificed too much and underwent a major surgery just to throw it away.  I know that I need to continue working on the emotional and mental part of this journey, as it is just as important as what I do physically.  My therapist has been wonderful and I'm so glad to be seeing her every two weeks or so.

Speaking of the physical, yesterday I decided that it was such a gorgeous day here that I needed to be outdoors and not stuck inside a gym.  I went to Discovery Lake, which is a regular place I've been to many times before.  Surrounding the lake are beautiful homes up in the mountains with trees, hiking trails and a paved road.  One lap around this road is about three quarters of a mile.  Since I was walking alone, I decided to bring my iPhone with me to listen to music.  I had a big bottle full of Crystal Light and went about my merry way.  In no time at all, I was moving at a really good pace and starting to sweat.  Every time a song came on from my music library that was a little bit of a slower pace, I would skip it to something more upbeat.  That really kept my pace great and my heart rate was definitely up.  On the fifth lap, I decided it would be my last one.  It was about noon and the sun was high in the sky.  It wasn't as hot as it has been, but still in the 80's.  As I was rounding a bend about halfway through the lap, I fast forwarded the song and I started to feel light-headed.  I was drinking my Crystal Light the whole way through but I was also starting to get hungry.  Then, the next thing I knew, I lost my footing.  I'm pretty sure it was caused by the light-headedness because I had been changing songs the whole way through and hadn't had a problem up to that point.  I stumbled and actually tripped on the edge of the pavement.  I knew I was going to fall so I tried to brace myself, still holding my phone in my right hand (I was more worried about that thing than anything else!).  I ended up landing elbow and hand first on my left side, I hit my left wrist and my knees hit the pavement.  Actually, my elbow and hand sort of slid into third base, so the pavement was like a huge grater on my skin.  It was not a graceful fall in the slightest.  No one was behind me but there were people walking far ahead of me.  I motioned to them that I was okay when they turned around to help me.  I just thought to myself that if I could just make it to the bathroom by the parking lot, I could wash everything off.  I did take my t shirt and tried to stop the gushing blood from my elbow, but that wasn't doing much for me.  By the time I made it to the bathroom, I was a hot mess.

After a few minutes of trying to clean up and pulling gravel out of my arm and knees, I called a friend who lives a few miles away to see if she had some bandaids.  She was so great ... by the time I got to her house, she had a whole triage thing set up in her kitchen!  There was hydrogen peroxide, Neosporin and guaze galore, along with hugs.  The pain, on the other hand, really hit me last night and especially today.  I feel like I got in a fight with a brick wall and the wall won.  My whole left arm is in pain, I lost a lot of skin when I slid and I've got bruises all over.  Taking a shower was painful and touching anything against my skin stings.  Geez, if you're gonna do something, do it all the way, right?  I know things will feel better in time, but it just reminded me that I have to be very careful with my body.  Having a tiny pouch now, even though it doesn't have room for a lot of food, still can very much affect my entire body.  

My pouch, I have discovered, is a very sensitive girl.  I've dumped eight times now.  It's not as if I'm keeping count, but it's a pretty traumatizing event and hard to forget.  I haven't even dumped on sugar or high-fat things, which we were warned about with gastric bypass surgery.  I'm being very diligent about reading labels to ensure I don't have more dumping.  Mine has been on food that, I think, has been too dry or the consistency just didn't work with my body.  A dear friend [hi honey!] suggested I try very moist tuna since there is so much protein.  In just a two ounce serving, it provides 11 grams of protein.  I figured I just had to give it a try and make sure that it's extra moist.  One of my friends, who had the gastric bypass done just like me, ate tuna that was too dry and ended up dumping by throwing up for an entire day.  I obviously didn't want to do that!  When my mom was staying with me after the surgery, she brought some food I could have after I was feeling well enough.  One thing was a can of tuna.  Now, when I say a can of tuna, most people envision a regular-sized can you can buy in any grocery store.  Oh no, not my mom!  Instead, she brought me this.

Just for the sake of comparison, I put a regular-sized can next to it.  That sucker that she brought me was over four pounds!  I didn't know they even made cans that huge.  After opening and draining it, I had to put most of it in the freezer.  Can you imagine how long it's going to take me to eat that whole thing with my little pouch?  Gotta love moms though.  Anyway, it went down very well.  I made sure it was super moist.  Maybe that's the reason I have dumped on other food.  I have to always be sure to have some sort of sauce or moistening agent with all of my more dense food, just to be on the safe side.

This process is all about learning and doing the work.  For those that think you can just have surgery and the weight will magically disappear, that's just not true at all.  It's especially tough for people, such as me, who have always been overweight and have battled food issues my entire life.  The coping mechanism I have always relied on - food - is gone now.  When I'm bored, happy, sad, frustrated, feeling joy or whatever emotion is going on, I can no longer turn to food.  I have to learn new ways of living and treating food just what it is supposed to be, nourishment.  Don't get me wrong, I make my food tasty.  But, when I can't eat more than about two ounces at one sitting, it's just a few bites and then I'm done.  I have this amazing salmon I bought, but I can't eat more than one ounce of it because it's so dense.  That blows my mind!  I also need to move my body a lot with exercise.  The way people treat me is already different and so there are many challenges along the way.  Welcome to my new reality!  I don't regret this decision, not at all. It's just not as easy as many people in society think it is.  Who knows, maybe someone reading my blog will be affected by my experiences and what I write about them.  

Weekly weigh-in

I'm winding down from a busy but great day.  I lost three pounds this week, making my loss 32 pounds since surgery and an incredible 97 pounds from my highest weight.  Maybe this next week will put me over the top!  That would be awesome.  I know I shared this on my Facebook page and Instagram, so I'm sorry if you're seeing it again, but I wanted to share some side by side photos.  Below left was taken a few months before surgery and the picture on the right was taken today.

A few people commented that I looked younger and happier in my most recent picture.  You know what?  I am happy.  Recovery from this surgery hasn't exactly been the easiest for me, but I absolutely, one hundred percent, do not regret this decision.  I know my journey is just beginning with Katrina (my new pouch), but I already feel a lot better.  Even though I would love to look cute in cute clothes, that is not why I did this surgery.  It was about desiring to have a decent quality of life, to be healthier.  That is what makes me happy.  Now, if I end up feeling more confident and rock the hell out of some jeans, I'll be okay with that, too!

This new life is so weird to navigate at times, I must admit.  I can get so full on just little bits of food.  The more dense the food is, the more full I get on just a little.  The dumping is also something that is difficult to contend with.  I have dumped on tilapia, a thin white fish, twice.  And I have gotten extremely full having imitation crab.  So then I wondered to myself if, in fact, seafood was just not agreeing with me.  Today I bought some salmon to see if maybe a thicker cut would help.  I don't have a bad reaction to shrimp, but I want to expand my possibilities if I can help it at all.  I am so thankful that, yes, Katrina was very happy with salmon.  Here's how little I had to eat when I had it for dinner.

All said and done, that is 1.75 ounces of cooked salmon and a one ounce cup of refried beans.  This is actually on a salad plate, not a regular dinner plate.  I doubt I'll ever be eating with those again!  The more dense fish is a lot more filling than beans.  In fact, that amount of fish made me more full than when I would have an 8 ounce serving back before the surgery.  Who am I kidding?  It probably wasn't even an 8 ounce serving ... it was more likely 12 ounces.  I had so much food before and now my tummy is like a baby.  I'm definitely not complaining, but it's just a different reality for me these days.  When I got the fish, I went to the seafood section in the supermarket and got fresh fish.  I asked the man helping me if I could get roughly one and a half pounds of the salmon.  When I came home and cut it up for meals, it made enough for me to have twelve meals.  That is how tiny Katrina is!

As part of having a healthier life, I am pursuing more treatment on my back because I have been suffering from chronic pain there and in my left leg for quite a few years.  There's a point where you just say enough is enough already.  I'm there now.  So this morning I had an appointment with my physical medicine doctor and then with my physical therapist right afterwards.  The doctor gave me an exam and feels the damage may be weight related and it may also be muscular.  She gave me several cortisone injections in my back.  I'm talking about six or so.  She wanted to cover the entire area that hurt and, to be fair, she did warn me that she was going to do that.  No matter how much you're prepared, though, it still freaking hurts.  She also prescribed a topical cream for me to apply to the area three times a day.  I have to wait for that to come in because it's some sort of compound that they have to special order.  Afterwards, the physical therapist gave me stimulation through a tens unit on my back.  It felt amazing.  So I'll be doing that at home, in addition to exercises to strengthen my back and leg.

As a person who is always taking care of other people, it's sometimes very difficult for me to do things to take care of myself.  Yet, I know it's time to do that.  My health has to be a top priority.  So if that means I need to do more things to care for my body, then that's what I will need to do.  Without even realizing it, I'm doing things throughout the day that fits in the category of self-care.
I logged these miles into my Fitbit today without even realizing how much I was doing.

It's the most I have walked since having the surgery.  And it felt amazing.  I wasn't feeling pain on my sides from my incisions like I have been these last several weeks in recovery.  It just felt nice to be active and know that every action I take towards my health is a win for me.  Like I said, I feel happy and I'm just going to roll with it.

Dumping, doctor's appointment and weekly-weigh in

I have had a very interesting week.  I have thought so much about doing updates here, but it didn't happen.  I've been trying to take recovery day by day.  The pain that I have been feeling on my left side under one of my incisions has been feeling a whole lot better.  Every time I would walk for more than 10-15 minutes, the pain would be excruciating so I'd have to stop.  Then one day, I tried walking again and it didn't happen any longer.  So I've been trying to increase my exercise little by little.  Some days I do great and other days I do feel pain so I know my body is telling me to not push it.  Overall, the healing is going well, especially given it was major surgery.  I often forget that I had a huge operation.  When I look down at my tummy, I see five very small incisions.  It blows my mind a little bit about what went on underneath.  I still can't watch a video of the surgery.  If it's animated, that's fine but I just can't watch a live procedure.  I know what went on, but I'm a bit squeamish with watching an actual operation, even more so when it's my own body.

On Friday, I had my first dumping episode.  If you're easily grossed out, you might want to skip to the next paragraph because I'm going to describe what happened.  I know there are people reading this who are thinking about surgery and it's only fair that you know every part of it.  Besides, I don't ever want to forget what I went through.  Friday was the day that I was allowed to add seafood into my diet.  I decided to get a mild white fish, tilapia.  I looked online to figure out the right temperature to cook it so that I wouldn't dry it out.  Everything went fine in terms of that.  I had a very small amount with a little bit of dipping sauce so that it wouldn't be dry.  One of the things we are warned about is to make sure our food is moist.  Otherwise, our pouches may not be very happy.  I had dinner and everything was fine, but I did have a very small amount because I was worried about adding fish.  Later on, against my better judgement, I had a little bit more because I felt hungry still.  People say you're not hungry after surgery, that it's head hunger.  Um, no, not true, at least not for me as well as other people I know.  I get hungry.  Anyway, I took some leftovers out and put it in the microwave for a few seconds so that I wouldn't overcook it.  I then put a tiny bit of guacamole on it to make sure it was moist.  I read specifically about guacamole on a bariatric eating website, so I decided to follow their lead on that.  I had the fish and didn't notice anything unusual.  A few minutes passed and then I started to feel this incredible pain in the middle of my chest.  That's when the burping started.  I couldn't stop burping no matter what I did.  Next the area where my tummy is started hurting.  I don't know if it was the stoma, the pouch or my actual stomach but all I know is that it was very painful.  I was actually doubled over in pain.  I was rubbing my stomach and that didn't help at all.  I couldn't sit still, so I started pacing around my house.  That wasn't helping because the pain was all over my body by that time.  I was nauseous, shaking, sweating and felt so sick.  I hate to throw up.  I'll do anything to avoid it.  However, by that time, I was calling on the name of Jesus to help me.  I proceeded to throw up seven times.  Every time I thought I was done, I'd have to run back to the bathroom.  I was so upset and I was all alone at home. This all started at about 9pm and, by 1am, I finally decided to reach out to the doctor on-call for guidance.  I wasn't sure if I should drive to the hospital, which is about 35 minutes away, or what I should do.  I could have reached out to family or friends, but I was afraid to wake people up.  I know, it's silly now when I think back to it, but that's what was going through my mind at the time.  When you can't breathe normally and you're trying not to panic, weird things go through your head, that's for sure.  The doctor told me to go back to clear fluids, even if that makes me throw up more (which it did), and then return to things like yogurt to eat the next day.  Eventually, by 3am, I felt like I could finally go to sleep.  Since that time, I have had two other dumping episodes, one yesterday and one again today.  When I look at the common denominator, it's all food that have been leftovers in the fridge that I have reheated.  The first was the fish, yesterday was cream of wheat and today was an egg muffin (egg made with cheese in muffin tins).  So my lesson here is that I can't reheat certain foods in the microwave, even when I add things to them to make them moist.  There's just too much danger of things getting too dry.  The only exception would probably be canned foods that haven't been cooked or soup.  Dumping is not pretty, but this is the reality of negotiating with a new pouch.  Some things will go down well and other things will not.  I thought I'd have to worry only about foods that were high in sugar or fat, but I guess there's no textbook definition of when it happens to each person.  It's trial and error.

Okay, enough of that!  I saw my primary care doctor on Monday.  It was my first time visiting her after the surgery.  She came in to the room and just beamed at me.  I'm now officially off of every single medication except for my anti-depression pill and a cholesterol pill.  She thinks I may be able to pull off of that soon, too.  The swelling I used to have around my ankles is gone.  My blood sugar readings are normal on their own now.  And my blood pressure is 117/64, so that med is gone, too.  I have lost 29 pounds since the surgery three weeks ago, 94 pounds from my highest weight of 420.  She told me that I am going to be the poster child for a gastric bypass success story.  She just couldn't stop smiling and she even told me she's proud of me.  That made me feel like a proud little girl!  She likes me, she really, really likes me.  This doctor has overseen my care for about 15 years, so she's seen me through the worst of it.  She knows how hard it was for me to decide to pursue surgery, but she has been 100% supportive the whole way through.  I did tell her I've been frustrated because I seem to have been in a weight-loss stall for the last week or so.  I lost 21 pounds the first 10 days and then everything seemed to come to a screeching halt.  She reminded me that this is a process and that I am still going down, so I don't need to worry.  I did lose a couple of pounds this week, so I'm clearly not stopped all together.  I am trying to weigh in only once a week, but oh my gosh that's so hard for me.  I finally gave in and weighed myself this morning after only a couple of days.  I feel like I'm more obsessed with knowing the number when I don't weigh myself versus when I just do it once in the morning and then go about my day.  I don't live by the number on the scale, but it just tells me where I'm at and keeping me accountable, even with little fluctuations.  Who knows, maybe in time I can let that stuff go.  For now, though, it is what it is.

Okay, this was a longish post.  Sorry about that.  I need to get back to posting more often.  I have been also posting short updates on my Instagram account.  If you want to follow me over there as well, my username is @misskathyjean.  Don't worry, I'm not letting go of this blog.  It has been an important part of my journey for several years and it will continue to be.  I just find support in many different ways.  The Instagram community of weight loss surgery folks is pretty amazing as well.  I have also found some gastric bypass groups on Facebook and on MyFitnessPal that have been tremendous in addition to amazing friends who are traveling on this road with me and just those that support me as a whole.  Between that and the support of you wonderful readers, I feel more than blessed.  I feel humbled and honored to have met such incredible people.  It takes a village!

Weekly weigh-in

During the last week, I lost 3.4 pounds.  My doctor did warn me that I will drop weight very fast the first 10 days or so after surgery and then it will slow way down.  He was right!  I dropped 21 pounds in less than two weeks, and then it seemed to halt fast.  I'm not going to let a slower loss this week frustrate me because I know my body has gone through some major trauma with the surgery.  I'm getting in less than 700 calories a day, so I know it's not as if I'm overeating.  I wish I could get more calories in right now, but my little pouch does not allow me to eat more than I'm already eating while staying on soft foods.  Even my dinner was a little bigger than I've been having and it was 120 calories.  I had one ounce of tiny shrimp, one light Laughing Cow wedge and three ounces of split pea soup.  Believe it or not, it made me full.  It's such a different world for me now.  Some people have stated that their desire for food has gone away with the surgery.  Mine has not.  I see sweets or other delectable looking things and I still want it.  Yet, I just can't go there.  Even if my pouch allowed me to eat ice cream, there's no protein in there and that's what I'm surviving on right now.  Besides, when has there ever been enough ice cream, pie or cake for me in the world?  In time, I know I'll be able to eat more than I do now.  The truth is that I'm learning a new way of eating so I'm trying to be patient and gentle on my body.  One of my friends from the Kaiser pre-op program has landed back in the hospital after surgery due to some complications.  While I am praying for her healing, I also need to remind myself that I can also develop complications if I don't everything I must to take care of myself.  That means getting in all my protein, drinking enough water and not pushing my body beyond it's limits.  Sometimes this means I need to rest when I don't want to or staying on a schedule to meet all my nutritional needs.  There's absolutely no room in there for ice cream!

Dumping and a compression belt

One of the things I always vowed when I started writing this blog was to keep things real.  I wanted to write about a journey that, while it was my own, was an honest glimpse into my life as an obese person (technically "super morbidly obese") trying her best to become a healthy person.  Sometimes the days are wonderful and beautiful with rainbows and kitties.  Other times it might include depression or bodily functions polite people don't always talk about.

Well, I'm about to become very impolite.  My fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Reynolds, would not be very pleased.  Sorry, Mrs. Reynolds, but I just have to go there.

Yesterday marked two weeks that I had my rebirth and underwent gastric bypass surgery.  I have a new tiny little pouch in my body.  I call her Katrina.  That name is the amalgamation of all the ways people have messed up my first name over the years.  (My legal first name is Kathryn, although I go by Kathy or Kath, even Kat.  People have called me Katty, Katie, Kristin, Christine, Katrina.  Seriously, how hard is Kathy?  Anyway, I'm deviating.)  I have been adjusting well to Katrina, but it has not been the easiest thing in the world.

There is a phenomenon that people who have had a gastric bypass go through called dumping.  As I understand it, dumping occurs when you've had something to eat and instead of your body digesting this food, it dumps right into your small intestines.  This occurs because perhaps the item you had contained too much starch, sugar or it just didn't agree with your system.  Some of the symptoms that come along with this include nausea, cramping, vomiting, and diarrhea.

I'm always a little fearful of experiencing dumping.  I mean, it doesn't sound pleasant, does it?  I have had two episodes that might fit into this category.  First, I drank a protein shake pretty quickly.  I didn't down it or anything, but I just sipped it consistently until it was gone.  My doctor warned me not to drink protein too fast, but it's hard to remember all the rules when you're new to all of this.  I had my Premiere Protein shake in about 30 minutes.  Maybe that's normal for a person with a full-sized stomach, but I have a little pouch now.  It made me practically run to the bathroom.  I didn't vomit but something equally as unpleasant.  Your imagination right now is spot on.  The second episode was when I think I had too much to eat.  It's not that I was eating a lot because, frankly, I can't eat that much.  However, one extra bite is enough to send pouches like mine to dumping.  After I had a particular meal, I was burping consistently for quite some time and my tummy felt like I had a stomach ache.

Oh the adventures of my life!  I know this is temporary and it will pass.  I am having a positive attitude about everything because what else can I do?  Already it looks like my diabetes is in remission and that right there makes me very grateful.  The weight is dripping off my body pretty quickly and so I'm just hanging on for the ride.  I am experiencing pain on my left side under one of my incisions, so I know I can't resume normal activities yet.  I went walking the other day and decided to go for more than ten minutes.  All of a sudden, the pain came on and it was pretty unbearable.  I walked very slow so that I could get back home in minimal pain.  I put on my compression belt to help keep everything tightly in.

As you can imagine, it's hot when I have it on.  While it feels good for awhile, I have to take it off to breathe comfortably.  I know things will get better in time, but for now I tire pretty easily and that pain reminds me that I can't return to normal life quite yet.  It is still there on the left side, so I know it will take time.  I'm on sick leave from work for six weeks, but oh my Lord am I bored.  I've been reading books, watching crazy daytime TV, playing Candy Crush and trying to exercise when I can.  Recovery takes time and I need to always remember that.  Just because my incisions don't look like much looking at them from the outside, a lot of twists and turns did occur inside my body.

I can eat and drive now

I had a visit with my doctor yesterday for the one week follow-up appointment after surgery.  The first thing he asked me was how I was doing and I said, "I'm hungry!  Can I pleeeease have some food now?"  He kind of chuckled at that.  After surgery, you have to stay on full liquids for about a week to ensure your body can handle more.  Even at that, I was limited to one protein shake a day in addition to liquids.  That's only 30g of protein.  When I wasn't getting in any other sources of real protein, I felt light-headed and hungry.  I know they say that I'm not supposed to be hungry and that it might be head-hunger, but I can testify that it was real, bonafide hunger.

During the visit, he said that I could add in soft foods.  Those are things like scrambled eggs, egg salad, yogurt, refried beans, other types of beans, baby shrimp, cream soups, that sort of thing.  The foods should be fat-free as much as possible and strained if it's soup.  I should now increase my protein to at least 60g of protein and continue having the one protein shake a day in addition to the new foods so that I can get there with no problem.  I also got the release to drive again, as long as I'm not feeling light-headed.  At that moment, I was a little light-headed, so my mother drove us back to my house.  I then had some of a protein drink and, as soon as I was feeling better, I got my butt in my car and drove to the grocery store.

When I got to the store, it felt a little scary for me.  Of course I was going to have to read labels thoroughly.  I needed to look for high-protein items, as well as low-sugar contents.  I just didn't want to mess up because my body could very easily go into dumping syndrome.  I didn't want that, of course, so I spent probably 20 minutes in the soup aisle alone.  For my first meal, I settled on fat-free refried beans and tomato bisque soup on this saucer.

Now, I know this doesn't look like the most fabulous first meal, but it was good to me and my new little pouch.  The doctor said to eat no more than three ounces in the first few days when I have my meals.  So I measured two ounces of the refried beans and one ounce of the soup.  I ate all of my beans but could only have half of the soup.  I was full after that.  How weird is that?  I remember times in the past where I would spoon a whole can of refried beans into a bowl with cheese and salsa, heat it in the microwave and eat the whole thing in one sitting.  Now I couldn't possibly imagine doing that now.

This morning I made egg salad for breakfast with one egg, one tablespoon of light mayo and seasoning.  I pulsed it in my food processor and oh my goodness did it taste amazing.  It's funny how the little things make such a difference, isn't it?  I've also been doing better on getting more fluids in.  When I came home from the hospital, I could barely get in the minimum of 30 ounces of liquids the doctor required.  Now I'm drinking four and a half cups now.  I'm sure as the days go, I will be able to get even more in.

Things are going well so far.  I am limited to how much exercise I can do.  I overdid it yesterday morning and was really hurting on my left side near one of my incisions.  I was walking very slow, slower than I've ever walked, but it was just too much on my healing body.  I do think I need to start weighing myself less now, though.  I'm not necessarily obsessed with getting on the scale, which is good, but I do find myself getting on it every morning.  If anything, I need to limit it to one day a week.  The doctor recommends weighing once a month, but that seems too far for me personally.  Once a week will allow me to have my weekly weigh-ins again and leave it alone for the rest of the week.  The surgery was on August 22nd and I'm already down 26 pounds just twelve days later.  That's fantastic, of course, but I think I'll go back to Monday weigh-ins again.  I need to focus on my new eating habits and new lifestyle in general.  It's exciting to see the numbers dropping so fast, but I don't want to focus on that.  My life has changed and I have had a rebirth.  Adjusting to these changes will take time, but I'll get there.