Sunday, March 22, 2015

New beginnings

Hi everyone!  I didn't realize it had actually been a month since I posted, but an anonymous person left me a message asking where I was.  Thank you, friend.  I seriously didn't realize it had been that long.  I haven't meant to not give my blog that much time in the last few months.  It has been a very important part of my journey, a place where I can be honest about feelings and emotions as I go through my weight loss and life.  Perhaps that's why I haven't been writing, because it's the very thing that helps me search my soul.  That's something I seriously need to think about.  I promise myself, and you, that I'm not abandoning my blog.  In fact, I need to kick up posting here routinely again.  I know, I've said this before but honestly the benefits are so substantial that I need to do it.  After I'm done posting this, I'll put a calendar reminder on my phone.  Maybe that will help me get my butt in gear.

Today is officially seven months since I got the gastric bypass done.  In so many ways, the time has flown by.  In other ways, it has been creeping by.  Things are so much different for me now since the surgery.  It not only rearranged my insides and helped me lose 100 pounds since the surgery (yahoo!), but it has really affected my outlook on life.  Don't worry though, they have been positive things for me.  I am a much stronger person who goes after things that I might have been too shy or afraid to do before.  Sometimes that hasn't always worked out, but life is all about taking risks to get rewards.  Putting your neck out there isn't the easiest thing.  One thing, for example, has been dating.  What a scary thing to do for a lot of people, but even more so for a person who has always had a weight problem, feeling insecure about her looks and attractiveness to men, and losing weight at the same time.  I've met some men who I have dated, others who are examples of the negative side of online dating and everything in between.  I was recently dating someone who got very intense very fast with me and ended up asking me for money while professing love.  No, I didn't give him money (I'm a smarter girl than that) and, yes, I ended our relationship.  It wasn't easy because I had feelings for him, but it's what I knew was the right thing to do for myself.  So, I'm single ... again.  I'm taking a little break from dating for a bit after that one.  When I think about it, though, my ability to have so many men interested must mean I'm not as ugly as my fat-girl head wants me to believe I am.  Sure, some may have had ulterior motives, but I'm still attractive enough to get attention from interested people. 

Yesterday I went and got another tattoo.  I'm 43 years old and always wanted tattoos, but I suppose I never had the courage to go after them because of the pain I imagined in my mind, the fact that they are permanent and I also probably cared way too much about what my parents think.  They are both very conservative and have voiced negative opinions about them in the past so I knew they wouldn't be supportive.  But, like I mentioned above, the surgery changed so much in me and I have come to realize this life is way too short.  The last tattoo I got was the butterfly on my back flying away from my surgery date.  I always get compliments on that one when people see it.  Obviously I love it.  The one I got yesterday is a cherry blossom on my leg.  Cherry blossoms are delicate and cherished for their beauty.  Think about when cherry blossoms bloom on the east coast and how much they are adored.  They signify new beginnings, new life, strength and beauty.  That's what I'm all about these days.  I'm going to post some pics below so that you can see the process I went through to get the tat.  It took four hours, but I had the banter of two special friends, as well as the tattoo artist, so the time flew by.  Yes, it was painful.  My leg even had involuntary reflexes when he inked certain parts but I managed just fine. It actually wasn't bad overall, just some parts, particularly when he was doing the outlining and the fact that it was near or on top of big bones.  I'm absolutely thrilled with the outcome.  Maybe next time I'll make it to more than three months before I get my next tat.  No guarantees, though :)


FogDog said...

I'm glad you posted and that you are doing well! I've been posting every day now for the last few months and I've found it to help me immensely with the mental aspect of my journey. All the best my friend!

KaylaT said...

Very nice tat! I just wanted to say (in response to your recent relationship situation), I think the one thing I didn't realize while I was the insecure little fat girl is how many men wanted me...for the wrong reasons. And I willingly let them in my life. But now that I am losing weight and finding out my true beauty and who I am as a person, I've realized that my dating life has gone down. Not because I'm not "attractive" (or whatever lol) but I think because I'm able to see the good from the bad more clearly now and in a way I've become more selective. I'm glad to see you are also weeding out the bad apples as well!

Kathy said...

Fogdog and Kayla,

I had written a response to each of you but it went into cyberspace. Gotta love technology. Thank you both for your words of encouragement. I'll go over to your blogs and check our your latest postings.

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