Working it

Things have been going well.  Both my father and brother are out of the hospital, thank you, God.  My father now has about two months of recovery at home before they re-do the hip replacement.  He is in very good spirits and has such a positive attitude.  I respect him so much for having the strength to get through everything he has been dealing with without breaking down.  He had a hip replacement that got infected, had the hip replacement removed, a spacer inserted, has been in the hospital six separate times, rehab for the last six weeks or so and then has to have the hip replacement redone.  My brother has been put on new medication and they are hoping this will work instead of having a new heart transplant done.  If not, he will go back on the list in a few months.  I continue to pray daily for my family.

I started working with my personal trainer.  She is just so awesome and it was such a great decision on my part.  I'll be working with her for three months.  We will be checking my weight and measurements every three weeks.  I shared with her my experience of having weight loss surgery and my attempts of weight loss.  She was in awe of me and actually told me that I was an inspiration to her.  Wow, I had to pick my jaw off the floor.  I started a separate page on here for all of my strength training workouts if you'd like to follow along or at least get the benefit of a personal trainer without having to pay for it.  There's a link for it at the top of the page.  I'm doing things with her that has taken every ounce of courage to do in the middle of the gym.  When people work with personal trainers, others in the gym watch.  It's a very big gym so this isn't easy.  One time I was doing cardio while she was training someone else and I swear every pair of eyes was looking in the corner where she was doing the training and watching.  Yet, I don't let that stop me.  I've even done weight lifting in the section where all the men with muscles do the majority of their work.  What's been interesting for me is that they are not looking at me and mocking me for being the fat lady trying to work out (which is what I had envisioned in my mind).  Instead, they are looking at me and smiling, even checking out my legs when I stand in front of the mirror focusing on my form.  It's been so weird!  I almost feel, dare I say, normal.

I also have seen the dietician at Kaiser's Positive Choice center, which is part of a service I can employ after surgery for help with my nutritional needs.  I just have been feeling weak and lightheaded.  I wanted to make sure that I was doing the right things for my body with the increased exercise.  When I work out, I'm burning about 900-1100 calories a day with just exercise.  Given I was eating 800 calories a day, it makes so much sense that I was feeling the way I was.  The dietician told me that 800 calories a day is just not enough for a person that exercises as vigorously as I am.  He did a mathematical calculation based on how many calories are in protein and what I was taking in each day.  He told me to increase my calories to 1200 per day instead of the 800 my bariatric surgeon recommended.  He understands where the doctor was coming from, but we do need to take into account how much I'm burning during workouts.  When I asked him how I should increase the calories, he said it is as simple as making sure I'm getting enough healthy fats in my diet such as coconut oil or almond butter.  He also told me I need to take in 100 grams of protein per day now with the increased calories and to ensure I am hydrating enough.  He stated that I should try to get in as many fluids as possible earlier in the day but to shoot for at least eight cups.  He also agreed that the strength training I'm getting with my trainer is especially valuable in dealing with excess skin and having a toned body because we can lose a lot of muscle mass with significant weight loss if we are not also incorporating strength training.

So, my friends, I'm working it and taking good care of myself.  It's a long time coming, that's for sure.

The urge was overwhelming

I took the day off of work.  We were having a professional growth day at the high school where I work and so I decided to take the opportunity for a four day weekend.  I have a research paper due by next weekend as well as another to finish up.  My quarter for grad school ends this coming week so I need to go out with a bang and remain focused.

On my agenda today was to get my car smogged for registration renewal, return some clothes I recently bought that were too big and to do some research for my paper.  I have been working out a lot so what was NOT on my to-do list was working out at the gym.  I needed to give my body a day of rest.  And all I could think about today was the fact that I was not working out and how much I really wanted to go to the gym.  Who knows when the shift occurred, but it has. Taking care of my body now is of paramount importance to me.  I did refrain from going because I realized that there has to be some balance in this weight-loss process and building muscles. That's not the easiest thing in the world for me to reconcile because I seem to be 0 to 60 in so many facets of my life, including exercise.  I still managed to somehow get in over 6,000 steps, but nothing near my normal amount.  

Speaking of building muscle, I have had a weird thing going on where something in my head is making me very afraid to get on the machines at the gym. I have no problem working on the cardio machines like the treadmill, recumbent bike and the elliptical machine, but when it comes to getting on the machines for building muscle I just have a really hard time.  I think a big part of it is emotional. The cardio machines are easy. You get on them and you sweat and then you get off them ... you're done.  However, the muscle-building machines seem like an entirely different beast. You spend time working on certain portions of your body in areas where there are very fit people building their muscles as well.  Sometimes when I am around people with these awesome bodies, especially the men, I just get very self-conscious. I really can't explain what it is exactly, I just know that I am much more aware of my body in those moments. There is also this fear that I will start working on a machine and do it wrong.  Sounds like I'm sitting in a lot of fear, doesn't it?  I know this is just a hurdle that I will move through. I just need to put one foot in front of the other and not worry so much about being imperfect. Easier said than done!