Thursday, April 3, 2014

A new toy just for me and being honest

I bought myself a new pretty pink toy today.  I'm now officially a part of the Fitbit world!  I decided to just go for it  because I've been jealously eyeing other people who have it.  The calorie burn that MyFitnessPal says I earn when I exercise and the one in MapMyWalk is different and I know this is definitely accurate.  Besides, I've wanted to strive to walk 10,000 steps a day and this is a great way of doing that.

So, when I got home, of course I immediately got it set up.  Once I put it on and wondered if it was working, I was so excited to see the steps starting to add up.  I walked up and down the hallway.  I walked around and around the coffee table.  I played with one of my cats where we chased each other from room to room.  I decided to go throw the trash.  Then I went out again to put recycling in the bin.  I got out the vacuum and went through every room in the house.  When I made a salad for dinner, I grabbed each item one by one so that I could get my in my steps ... spring mix, check - tomato, check - chicken, check - cheese, check.  Tee hee, it's been fun using it for the first time.  I can't wait to see how many miles I walk tomorrow.  Yeah, I'm totally a techno geek and you love me for it!!  For some reason, it isn't syncing up with MyFitnessPal (or vice versa), but I also might be impatient.  I walked for a half an hour at lunch today and that didn't transfer over, neither did my food and water.  Patience is not one of my virtues.

Okay, enough of my nerdiness (for now).  During my last post, I discussed some questions that came up in my last pre-op class that I would ponder and share on here.  They were pretty tough questions requiring me to find a level of honesty that is not always easy to talk about.  Here we go ...

What factors in my current lifestyle contribute most to my obesity?  Since I started the pre-op classes through Kaiser in preparation for the surgery, I have adopted some changes to my eating habits that have served me well.  For example, I am no longer eating sweets, which was a really huge thing to give up on my side.  I'm hardly ever drinking soda any longer.  I have been tracking all of my food to see where my calories, carbs and other numbers are at day to day.  I do know that I am not exercising as much as I would like.  For some reason, I have been avoiding the gym like the plague.  I can't even say why.  I have been doing walking, which is great for me, but I would like to incorporate more regular exercise.  That could include walking or other things that the gym can offer me.  I do know another area that has been concerning me greatly is my blood sugar levels.  I'm either too low or way too high.  I have medication and insulin, yet my numbers defy logic at times and then at other times I know it's totally my fault.  Having blood sugar out of whack I know contributes to obesity.  Because my numbers have been the way they have, I have been avoiding sending the record of them to my doctor.  She has asked me twice for them and I keep putting it off.  I keep telling myself that somehow I'll be able to pull it together and get the numbers down on my own.  Pull what together exactly is beyond me.  I suppose I think I need to come up with the right answers when all she is trying to do is to ensure I'm on track.  And, if I'm not on track, she's there to help me.  I also have been having horrible sleep patterns lately.  I cannot sleep with my CPAP machine, no matter what I do.  It's been completely frustrating and it's resulted in me being exhausted each day.  As a result, I've been skipping using it because I need to have at least some sort of sleep at night.  I do have next week off of work, so I'm hoping I can give it another try.  All of these things can definitely contribute to obesity, although I must say I definitely am putting work in to try to change my habits.

What do I need to do to commit to lifestyle changes that support my health?  I think the best thing I can do is keep doing what I have been doing in terms of incorporating changes that help me build better, healthier habits.  I need to commit on a daily basis that I will take action towards good health, whether that is in the food I eat, the sleep I get or the exercise I do.  Continuing to be honest about both my triumphs and challenges will be equally as important.

What weight do I think is my optimal healthy weight?  Have I ever maintained a weight as an adult that was comfortable and felt good to me?  What felt good about that weight and will I be satisfied to be that weight again?  This is a really tough couple of questions.  What I think is a healthy weight for me might be completely outside reality for my height.  In my mind, I think 150 pounds would be ideal.  A healthy BMI range for me is between 130 (if you can believe that!) and 175 pounds.  I'm almost 5'10" so I have to be realistic.  I know that I will never be a size 4, nor do I want to be that skinny, but I just don't know what's the right range for me.  When I was doing Optifast, I lost 192 pounds and got down to 227 pounds.  At that time, I went from a size 34 to a size 16.  That was the smallest I had ever been yet, even at that weight, I still felt like I had a long way to go to get to an ideal body size.  Oh how I wish I were that size right now!  Hindsight is always 20/20.  At that size, though, I was happy that I could fit into clothes sold at a normal store (versus a larger woman store).  I was able to comfortably fit behind a steering wheel and didn't need a seat belt extension on an airplane.  If I'm being entirely honest, I really don't feel like I would be satisfied at that weight if I were to get there again although I can say that I know I would feel a lot more comfortable compared to where I am now.  I know that body image plays a big part in feeling confident with the woman that looks back at me in the mirror.

What style of eating will fit me best?  I have no clue what will work best for me.  In many ways, I am a blank slate because doing things my way has never worked well.  Sometimes I think that I should eat meals and snacks more frequently and then, at other times, I think I should only be having three meals a day.  There is a part of me that does not want to make any decisions, that I would rather be told what to do ... eat this, don't eat that.  Taking decision-making out of the equation seems like a nice way to approach weight loss.  Yet, I do know that is not realistic at all.  I live in the world where I need to make decisions all the time about my health.  I'm not a child any longer that depends on her parents.  A big reason that I have wanted to pursue weight loss surgery is because my body will tell me when enough is enough.  This is something that I will need to reflect on as a I go through the steps before and after surgery.

Water Challenge Day 71:  Drank 179 of 179 ounces


Beth Ann said...

Re: Fitbit. I LOVE my Fitbit! The sync with MFP can be sporadic, but it eventually gets there.

Re: CPAP. It took me a full week of misery to get used to it. I would cry and be so frustrated. But one day (I believe through exhaustion and a healthy dose of Nyquil), I slept with it. From then on, I couldn't sleep without it. Until I lost 75 pounds and had my tonsil removed. Now I don't sleep with it anymore.

Connie O said...

I am always tempted to try the Fitbit but haven't succumbed yet. It sounds like a fun gadget.

Those are tough questions, and your answers seem thoughtful and complete. Committing every day is the hardest thing!

happyinca said...

I just re-started wearing my fitbit, and last night at 8,500 steps, I actually paced my house until I reached 10,000. It was almost a mile! I never would have been motivated to do that without that sweet little gadget!

Boy those questions are the real deal. You are giving it all you have Kathy, and laying the foundation for a healthy future. I'm so inspired by you! Cheers!

Kathy said...

Beth Ann and Happy .... I loooove this Fitbit. OMG! Connie, I held out for a long time before I decided to go for it. It is so awesome and I have a few people at work who are going to go out and get one after checking mine out. Yup, I've been walking around the house to get my 10,000 steps in :-)

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