Saturday, December 21, 2013

The present moment

The last couple of days have been emotionally difficult in dealing with the devastating news about my graduate program in terms of working in my district after the program is done.  However, I am in a much better space now.  While the bad news is still hard, I have had great conversations with very supportive friends and have spent a lot time in prayer about this.  I am still going to move forward with grad school with the intention of doing school counseling in the school district where I now work.  I have administrative support standing up against the current policies and, who knows, maybe something will change by the time I'm done with my program.  In the event that nothing has changed, then I will walk in faith, knowing there is place for me somewhere.  A good friend reminded me that God does not give us gifts for no reason.  Perhaps the way we intend to use those gifts will look different, but there is a plan.  The thought of leaving a district in which I have not only attended as a student myself but have worked for so long is very hard, but I never walk alone in any of this.  Maybe there is a place I am needed more than where I am now.  Who knows what the future holds.  All I know is that I need to stay in the present moment and continue walking forward in as much peace as possible.

In other news, I'm grateful that I'm now on vacation for two weeks.  It really is a welcome break, that's for sure.  I'm looking forward to spending time with friends and family as well as just getting rejuvinated.  My mom will be coming to my home and spending a few days with me since she also has some vacation.  I'm glad I can provide a comfortable place for her when she visits.  She rents a room in a mobile home where she lives now since it is about five minutes from work for her, so coming to a place with extra space is something she enjoys.  I know there will come a time, after she retires from work and gets a little bit older, where I will have her come live with me so I'm glad she finds my home so comfortable.  Our relationship has certainly grown leaps and bounds.  There has been a lot of healing there from a childhood that was riddled with abuse on her part and to a honest, loving adult relationship complete with forgiveness and love.  It has taken a lot of work for both of us to get there and I know we both continue to work on it, but our relationship is much more than I could have ever dreamed of than what we had in the past.  God really shows me how wonderful forgiveness can be.

Since my bariatric surgery pre-op classes start next month, I have been doing some more research and just reading more stories of people's experiences with having the gastric bypass. I'm reading a book now where a woman recounts her experience with all of her weight loss attempts leading up to surgery and how it positively impacted her life afterwards.  It is very inspiring and gives me a great insight into what to expect in my own journey.  Of course, every reader of this blog will get to experience my own journey.  I share my experiences not only to be encouraging to other people but to help me as I walk through the challenging days ahead.  I feel that writing is such an incredible tool to help me through emotions instead of wanting to pick up food to help me deal with stress, happiness, boredom and whatever other feelings arise.

As I think about the months ahead and the journey I now find myself on, I realize this is another circumstance in which I need to stay in the present moment.  Otherwise, it might feel incredibly overwhelming.  If you think about it, this is a major thing I am walking through. Having my stomach cut to the size of a thumb and having "rewiring" done with my intestines is beyond intense.  I'm so glad my pre-op classes will be starting in the next several weeks so that a lot of the questions I have will start to get answered.  I have no idea how people who go down to Mexico or somehow do their gastric bypass so quickly without pre-op classes possibly feel comfortable with making such a huge change.  I have gone through a lot of emotions in the process already since the day I decided to pursue the surgery and I know I'll go through more in the 6-8 months ahead.  I'm thrilled I'm not rushing through this process so that I can wrap my brain and emotions around what will be happening.  Thankfully I have such an amazing support system.  In fact, I just told the principal where I work about my surgery and he was incredibly supportive.  He could have reacted very badly because it means I will be missing at least two weeks of work right when we return from summer break.  However, his concern was me and my health.  These are the types of people I am choosing to tell about the surgery, those that will be supportive and not judge me for taking the easy way out (at least in their perception).  This is not the easy way out, trust me on that one.


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