Friday, March 8, 2013

Never imagined I'd love the needles

When I was a kid, it took some pretty substantial coaxing for my dad to get me into the doctor's office for anything having to do with a needle.  Even when I would have blood drawn, I was Miss Drama Queen of the Century.  I'd pitch a fit and do a really good job at convincing him that whatever the reason was for me having a needle stuck in my arm, it just wasn't necessary, thank you very much.  I should have become a lawyer looking at the way I would lay out my arguments.  Later in life, it would come back to bite me, though, because when I became diabetic, the doctor told me I would have to stick needles in my fingers a couple of times a day to test my blood sugar level.  That was a rude awakening.  And, eventually, I would have to stick needles with insulin in my tummy when my numbers were high (I don't miss that at all!).  Talk about being slapped across the face.  But, if you would have seen me today, you woulda thought I loved needles. 

I was sitting in my acupuncturist's office talking to her about how my leg pain just wasn't getting better.  So she told me we would need to attack this from a different angle.  It would require that she put some of the acupuncture needles in places I haven't had them before.  What did that mean?  Well, I had to take off every stitch of clothing, lay face down on the table and lay the sheet over me.  I couldn't see where all the needles where going, but some of them I could really feel.  They didn't hurt necessarily, but she said she definitely found my chi.  So I had needles all over my back, on the side of my hips, on the back of my legs, my feet and down the back of my calves.  She then turned on some soothing music and left me to "relax".  As I laid there with my head in that weird donut shaped contraption they had sticking out of the top of the table, I just really tried my best to tune everything out, listen to my breathing and just find a peaceful place of meditation.  When I was in that zone, I completely forgot about all the needles sticking out of me.  I actually was completely relaxed.

I have been trying to find that very place of relaxation a lot lately, where I can just let go completely.  Things have been so stressful in my life and it has made me feel like I can never just "be".  Yet, I do know when I allow it to happen, it feels wonderful.  I have felt like that around my food this week, too.  It has been very clean and healthy.  I have felt no shame around my choices, dare I even say peaceful.  In fact, the peace and freedom I have felt around the food this week was exactly like the euphoria I had when I was on Optifast and in a good groove with the shakes in that I had absolutely no cravings.  I know these feelings don't last forever, so I'm appreciating them for today. 

It seems like ever since I had the visit with the first therapist, there has been an internal shift in me working at just letting things go.  It's definitely a process, but perhaps there will be a day in the not-too-distant future where I can let things go completely and just enjoy where I am in the present moment.  My acupuncturist made the comment to me today that my skin has really gotten so much healthier since I've been off Optifast.  While I was on the product, there wasn't the freshness on my face that I have now.  Maybe it was because I was losing weight so darn fast or perhaps there was something somewhat unhealthy going on.  Of course, everybody has a different experience, but I only speak of mine.  I really feel like being on Weight Watchers as I continue on in my weight loss journey was the right decision for me.  It is not making me feel crazy in what I need to do to follow the program versus other programs out there where people seem to really obsess about their calories.  Of course there are guidelines to follow with WW, but I just feel more like a normal human being doing this method.  I will do my weigh-in tomorrow and report if there has been a change on the scale.  I think there has because my clothes have been loser on me.  That's usually the best gauge of progress.


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