Saturday, March 16, 2013

Being comfy at the gym

Unfortunately I could not sleep well last night.  I tried, but only a few hours is what I could swing.  So I got up and decided to just start my day regardless.  Thankfully, since it's the weekend, I could take a nap later if I needed to.  I checked my blood sugar and I'm happy to report was a very normal 113.  80-120 is what I'm looking for in the morning.  For years and years, my diabetes had been out of control so believe me when I say I am extremely grateful for normal numbers.  After I had a great breakfast, I decided to start stretching and doing strength training.  I have found that, given the leg pain I have been dealing with for well over a year and the back pain that has been ongoing, taking the time to stretch my joints really makes a difference when I go work out.  I do have to say that it was particularly painful to do the stretching to the point of tears in my eyes.  I just have to remember to pace myself and breathe.  I'm not racing anybody to the finish line, so I can take good care of myself by just taking it slow with my hurting body.  After I was done, I headed over to the gym.

For many years, I belonged to a big-name gym.  Whenever I went there, I always felt self-conscious.  For the most part, you didn't see a lot of overweight people there or many different age ranges, at least not at the ones I have gone to.  I always felt uncomfortable there and self-conscious because of my body, but I would get over myself enough to at least go.  Now I belong to a gym that makes me feel very comfy.  There are "regular" people that go there.  Let's face it, we're not all 20-somethings with rock-hard bodies wearing skimpy outfits to show them off.  At my gym, there are people in every possible age range and there are many different types of bodies.  I noticed that more than ever today.  I was in the back row of treadmills, so I can see everyone coming into the cardio section.  I saw quite a number of larger sized men and women in there, working very hard.  I could see the self-consciousness they were going through, constantly tugging at t-shirts, looking around at other people ... I recognize the behavior because in them, I see myself.

We all come to a point in our lives when we find the courage to seek something greater.  The shame of obesity and being different than most everyone else around you is difficult, but it takes an extremely courageous person to stand up against that and put one foot in front of the other.  Sometimes there is physical and emotional pain as you take more and more steps, but oh my goodness the payoff is worth it a million times over.  I know that when I turned on my treadmill today and settled in for an hour that I would feel amazing.  It happens to me every time I get on that treadmill or go walking.  I challenge that Negative Nancy that tells me to just stop trying or that I can't do it.  Sometimes I feel like decking her!  I feel such power there.  From the moment the music comes on in my earbuds, I'm transformed.  In an instant, most of the people around me disappear (except for the awareness today of the two chickies that were chatting the entire time - super annoying).  I wonder if other people go through what I do when I am working out.  I'm not dreading the time ... it's like an empowerment of sorts.  My legs still do hurt, but they definitely feel better than when I don't exercise.  Every time I go and I leave there with sweat dripping down my chest, I know I've done everything I could to be courageous.

After I left there, I came home, had lunch, took a shower and then took a nappy.  Ah, the weekend!


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