Got back on the horse ... okay, the treadmill, but same diff

I had one of my communication classes tonight at the university.  When we started the class three weeks ago, we were in a different room with tables instead of desks.  I'm always the one having a worry about whether or not I'll fit in the desks.  I was convinced, even at my lowest weight, that I couldn't squeeze in them and would embarrass myself in front of other people.  So, for this class, the professor ended up moving us to a bigger room but they have desks.  The first time I saw them, I gulped because I am no longer at my smallest weight.  Granted, I still am 117 pounds down from my top weight, but I wasn't getting a good feeling inside.  By the way, I have five students who are graduates of the high school I work at in my class.  I don't think they've recognized me yet but it was one of the things I was to avoid - not to have college classes with the kids that attended my high school because they likely would have known me when they've come into my office for help.  It's just an awkward situation.  Not to fit in the desk in front of them would have been even more mortifying.  Thankfully, though, I did fit in the desk but just barely.  It still cuts into my tummy and my right side.  When I get up, there are red marks on my skin.  I know that I only have to endure that one time each week because the other class I'm in has bigger desks, but this is the second week that has left me feeling really bad about myself for having gained weight and being in that position to have to worry about fitting in the desk.  Last week I was really upset with the situation and I caught myself feeling the same way during class tonight.  However, I told myself that it's not fair to treat myself in that way because I deserve to be treated in the same way I would treat another person.  While the professor was lecturing, I devised a plan in my head for the rest of the evening that would lend to me not taking it out on food, which was in my mind.

After class was over, I chose not to head to the grocery store, which is where I was planning to go on my way home from school.  We're having a potluck at work tomorrow and I was going to pick something up to make for that.  Then I thought to myself, No, you have absolutely no business going into a grocery store with how you're feeling right now.  So, instead, I decided that going for a workout would be a better idea.  I headed home first to have a healthy snack before working out because I hadn't had anything to eat since 1:00 p.m. and it was already 7:00 p.m.  I knew in my heart that if I didn't have something to eat before working out, my blood sugar would plummet.  But, before I walked in the door, I planned out what my snack would be - a banana and some luncheon meat for protein.  I checked my blood sugar and it was right in the range it was supposed to be in.  Tomorrow's luncheon can have something prepared by the grocery store folks - taking care of myself in the healthiest way possible was far better than bringing something to the potluck that is homemade.

At the gym, I saw the treadmill where I fell and decided to get on one on the other side of the room.  Why chance it!  I started out slow and a little gingerly because I really didn't want to fall again.  Just in case, I completely familiarized myself with where the emergency button is to stop the treadmill.  Everything happened so fast when I fell the other day that I don't think I even had time to look for it.  I took my time stretching before getting started, did a warm up and then I was at regular pace.  It felt really good knowing that I was taking great care of my body with the exercise and healthy snack.  And oh man was I really moving ... there was sweat dripping down my chest and soaking part of my shirt.  My body was really happy that I was taking care of it, though.  I am always in pain between my arms, back and legs, but the exercise helps tremendously for my back and legs.  It doesn't take the pain away necessarily, but it gives those parts a good stretch and takes some of the edge off.  I ended up doing three in a half miles in an hour and I was so happy I made the decision to go there. 

When I got home, I had a really healthy meal and felt proud of the good choices I made.  I have been using the Weight Watcher's Active Link.  It's their version of a Fit Bit.  You put this little device on your body and it tells you how much you've been active in the day and turns all of that into activity points.  In Weight Watchers, every food you eat is assigned a point value based on the amount of fat, carbs, fiber and protein is present in that food.  You are also assigned a certain number of points to eat per day based on your height and age.  So I have 47 points.  I can also use any activity points I have earned towards more food if I choose since I'm more active.  With the Active Link, the bummer is that you have to spend eight days setting a baseline, which is where it measures your typical activity so that it can help you set goals for the day.  Today was the first day, after completing the assessment, that I could finally see how many activity points I ended up with.  The problem with my day is that I do a lot of sitting in my job, so I have to make a point of getting up to stretch.  My back appreciates when I do that.  So I'll do things like put my lunch in one of the refrigerators in the staff lounge instead of keeping it at my desk so I'm forced to get up to get my snacks or lunch.  Or I'll drink a lot more water so I know I'll be making trips to the restroom more frequently.  The goal set by the Active Link is for me to earn two activity points per day.  Today I did six, which, according to the program, is the highest zone for physical activity.  What was hilarious is it told me that I spent 37 minutes running today.  No, I didn't run but I looked to see where it said I did that and it was while I was on the treadmill.  I must have been walking fast enough to feel like I was running.  That could explain why I was sweating it up.Anyway, all in all, it was a pretty good day.  I'm so grateful to feel peaceful at the end of the day.