Thursday, March 13, 2014

Hard to work at staying in the moment

On my way home from work these evening, I wanted more than anything to stop by the store to get some food to eat.  I was rationalizing in my head that I needed to get some more spring mix for my salads and toothpaste.  Yes, I need those things but I knew what I really wanted ... food to snack on or, dare I say, binge on.  I was wanting sweets and chips.  I had a real struggle with myself to not turn into the grocery parking lot.  There's actually quite a few stores near my house, any one of which would have done the trick, but I courageously plowed through and stopped nowhere except my garage.  Whew!

When I got in my house, I was absolutely ravenous and that certainly played a part.  Up to that point in the day I had eaten 560 calories between breakfast and lunch.  Okay, that wasn't bad except that I had burned 501 calories doing a walk at lunch with my friend.  That meant that I was working on only 59 calories.  No wonder I was so hungry!  The other issue that I had going on in my head was that I have decided that I wanted to give myself as much preparation for eating after the surgery as possible, so I decided it was time for me to cut out some foods.  My thinking is that if I do this gradually over time, the transition might be a little easier.  The things that I'm working at cutting out right now are sweets and bread.  As I wrote about in yesterday's post, my relationship with sweets is love/hate.  It's time for me to start cutting that stuff out.  If I don't have it in my house, I won't eat it.  That same thing goes for bread.  I don't know about you, but I love the smell and taste of fresh baked bread.  I love it too much ... I've been known to eat a whole loaf of bread in the matter of a day, even though it would shoot my blood sugar through the roof.  Yet, I know I want to be as successful as possible with the surgery and I don't plan on playing around with the doctor's instructions for how to eat well after the sleeve or bypass is done.

Today is the first day of cutting those foods out and I really noticed it when all I wanted to get at the grocery store was a "last supper" of sorts.  I knew deep down that the store was the last place I needed to be right now.  I'm so glad that I'm turning to God to give me the strength to not succumb to my food desires.  It will get easier in time, I completely know this.  I just have to remember this when I want to change my mind and go back to my standard of compulsively overeating those foods.  I have no business having a relationship with ice cream.  I have to remember that all I need to do is take it one day at a time, that's all.

Water Challenge Day 53:  Drank 145 of 182 ounces


happyinca said...

Kathy, you are a strong woman and you're making the most important changes in your life for a lifetime of weight management. I can relate to, and learn so much from your posts.

Kathy said...

Thank you so much Christy. I'm feeling really good these days and I really cherish that. I learn so much from your journey too! You're so determined and strong. That's incredibly admirable.

Beth Ann said...

I promise you that things will be a bit easier least for a while. You are strong and committed, so you will do well!

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