Saturday, January 18, 2014

Mothers and daughters

What is it with relationships that drive you absolutely batty sometimes?  I don't care what type of relationship it is - husband/wife, siblings, parent/child - you love the other person but also could slap them.  It doesn't mean you do, but you want to.  I was absolutely spitting mad with my mother today to the point that it boiled over and I just spewed.  I'm going to vent here ... I must.

Last May, my mom borrowed a large sum of money from me to fix her car.  I gave her that car several years ago when I bought mine and I know it's the only form of transportation she has so I knew I would help her.  Besides, she's my mom ... it's the right thing to do for a parent.  Then, over the last year, she borrowed some more money from me when we were in Las Vegas and I paid her cell phone bill a couple of times.  She's really lagged at paying back, even though she has paid some.  We made arrangements for her to come to my house yesterday to pay some of it off.  I didn't ask her how much, but she still owes me over $600.  So she said she was getting a tune-up and then would be over to my house first thing before she "got into trouble".  That's code for "going to a casino".  I know my mom well.

When it became 1:00 and 2:00 in the afternoon, I started wondering where she was.  I was hanging around my house waiting for her.  I figured, oh well, she just got to the mechanic late.  At about 5:00, my phone rang.  She was at the casino with her friend and they were having dinner from the buffet.  She said they would just finish eating and then she'd be right over.  I was mad because I was waiting around for her and she didn't have the decency to at least call me.  Yet, I didn't say anything on the phone.  I figured we would talk when she got to my house.  At 10 p.m., she still wasn't at my house so I called her cell phone and left a message for her.

By the time I woke up this morning, she still wasn't here.  She has a key to my house so I checked the spare bedroom to see if she was there.  Nope, just my two kitties sleeping on that bed.  Now, I was pissed off.  What's worse, mad or pissed off?  Hmm, I'm not sure about the various levels but you get my point ... unhappy Kathy.  Really unhappy Kathy.  My phone then rang, but it was her friend calling to tell me that she would be dropping off money to me this afternoon.  She said that she owes my mother $200 so she would be bringing that money to me.

Okay.  That told me that my mother had blown her whole paycheck because her friend had to give me money.  That also told me that my mother was avoiding me.  Then, she called.  I was so upset with her that I just let it go to voicemail.  Then she called about 10 minutes later.  I still didn't pick it up.  At about the same time, I heard my front door being unlocked.  It was her, using the spare key.  She hadn't slept all night and couldn't even look me in the eye.  I gave her a few minutes to relax before I spoke.  I was so upset that it just all came out.  I told her how disrespectful it was not to even call me to say she was going to the casino first, about how she continuously chooses to gamble instead of pay me back and especially on how I waited around for her.  At first she was trying to joke it away and I said to her, "Why do you think this is funny Mom?  Does it look like I'm laughing?  You keep claiming that you don't have money, yet you are always at the casino and not paying me back.  That makes me think the casino is more important than me.  Do you understand?"  I then told her I'm really worried about her, that I think she has a real gambling problem.  What is going to happen to her when she retires?  I don't have the flexible income to take on a dependent.

She understood where I was coming from and apologized sincerely.  Then she spent time falling asleep on my couch.  I have a spare bedroom and I asked her to go there, but she didn't.  Then her friend eventually came over to bring the money and they proceeded to talk about gambling at the casino for two hours.  Two hours!  I can't even describe how absolutely bored I was with the conversation.  I may like to play games on Facebook, but nothing is less interesting to me than talking about spending hours in front of a slot machine.  Yawn.  After her friend left, my mom fell asleep on the couch again.  That was six hours on my couch.  Because I was trying not to disturb her, I wasn't doing a lot around her.  Finally, after feeling frustrated and wanting my house back and, frankly, these two days of being in her gambling world, I just wanted to be alone or leave.  I started  unloading the dishwasher in the kitchen and wiping down the counters.  I admit, part of that was to make enough noise to wake her up.  Yes, I know, even as I type this I realize that was just evil.  Passive aggressive and a bit childish, completely.  I own that.  It did wake her up and she decided to go home.  I love my mom, but it was time.

So, why am I talking about all of this here?  Well, for one, this is the place where I do my journaling to get out my feelings.  More importantly, though, I don't want this to be a reason that I overeat.  My food has been really clean and healthy the last several days since I've been doing my water challenge.  I just don't want to go to the food to deal with emotions, no matter what they may be.  I'm glad I said something to my mom and that we had the opportunity to clear the air.  She admitted that she knew I was going to be mad.  Argh, family!  I'm letting it go now.

Water Challenge Day 6: Drank 140 of 186 ounces


happyinca said...

Cyber hug to you.

Kathy said...

Thank you! I vented and I feel a lot better today ;-)

Caitlin R said...

I think it's good that you could get this all out. I can only imagine how much you were holding your tongue. I think you were incredibly restrained and reasonable. I could learn a bit of patience from you!

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