Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Listening to my body

It's amazing how much our bodies speak to us, if we just listen.  Of course I don't mean literally - that would be weird.  I mean in the sense that there are definite ways we know we need to drink more water, eat more protein or less carbs.  As a diabetic, I can say with absolute certainty that my body tells me if I have to much sugar in my system or not enough.  Today my body was telling me so strongly that I just wasn't eating enough food.

Right now I'm shooting for 1,200-1,500 calories a day, depending on my activity level.  One of my friends asked me to describe what I think I have the biggest problem with in terms of food.  I thought about it and noted that I seem to do really well until the late afternoon.  Then, when I get home, I start grazing.  When I start doing that, the perfectionist part of me says, "Well, you already messed up so you might as well finish the carton."  My tendency is to go for sweets - ice cream, pie, cake - and starchy foods.  Today I had some oatmeal for breakfast, thanks to another friend who saved my butt by giving me a packet from her desk because I forgot my food at home.  It definitely wasn't enough to eat, but at least it was something.  Then for lunch I had one of those microwave steamer meals and an apple.  As I was heating it up, I thought to myself that I could add more veggies to volumize what I was eating because it really wasn't much.  A few hours later I had a couple of celery sticks with Laughing Cow spreadable cheese and another apple for a snack.  

By the time I got home, no surprise here, I was ravenous.  My tummy was grumbling and a had a throbbing headache.  The first thing I wanted to do was eat.  I ended up having some skinless chicken that I had baked earlier in the week.  I just couldn't stand to wait to prepare anything for dinner.  On top of all this, I was exhausted.  I decided to crawl into bed for a little nap and woke up four hours later.  When I woke up, I was hungry.  I looked at the food I had logged in for the day and saw that I had only eaten 800 calories. Um, hellooo Kathy! The goal here is not starvation and my body was definitely telling me that.  I did have some soup that had nice big chunks of chicken breast, carrots and pasta.  So I need to look at what I can do differently for tomorrow.  If I continue eating like I did today, every day is going to feel like true torture and I really want to be in the healthiest place I can be in.  

Earlier tonight I was watching the latest episode of My 600-lb Life on TLC.  For those who are unfamiliar with the show, it follows the stories of bariatric patients who are around 600 pounds over the course of a year.  Tonight's show was really heartbreaking because the woman in it was bedridden, got the surgery and ended up virtually in the same place she started.  I just watched her denial of her condition, not being honest with what she was doing to manipulate the situation and blaming other things for her surgery not being successful.  It really affected me because I wondered to myself if I have been that blatantly dishonest with myself during the many times I have tried to lose weight.  Sure, I've been successful in terms of letting go of the weight in different ways, but then it would pile back on.  That is hardest part of the weight loss process for me.  These are things I need to see, though, and these are questions I need to ask myself.  I am so determined to be successful with the surgery and I want to do everything in my power to do my part.  Without a doubt, I know the surgery is just a tool.  It will not magically "fix" anything.  I have work to do, but I am committed to doing that work and being honest during the process.  

So, for tomorrow, I will make sure to eat my breakfast at home, bring more to eat for lunch and make sure that I'm getting enough in at dinner time as well.  I'll bring healthy snacks with me and make sure I get all of my water in.  I think I'll go take a walk at work before eating my lunch so that I can get some exercise in.  Moving on!

Water Challenge Day 9:  Drank 140 of 186 ounces

2 comments:

happyinca said...

Kathy, you are really thinking this through. It's such a learning experience isn't it? Good luck with the tweaks and I hope it sustains your strength and energy throughout the day.

Caitlin R said...

Great plan, Kathy!

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