Keeping track really does make a difference

Sometimes, if I have a bad day with my food, it's hard to actually keep track of what I've eaten or if my blood sugar level is too high, I seriously don't want to write it down for my doctor to see.  However, if  want to give myself a fighting chance of being healthier, of living longer and just overall feeling good, I'm actually doing myself a disservice by not writing things down or logging them in.  It's sort of the same idea that if I don't look in the mirror, then I haven't gained weight or my pants aren't bigger.  I mean, seriously, who am I fooling?  Nobody, not a single person.  Moreover, I'm only guaranteeing that, in fact, those pants will be bigger and keep growing. 

The same thing is true when I have a good day, a great day with my food or my blood sugar levels.  I can't express how absolutely encouraging it is to know that I'm not over my daily Weight Watchers point allowance or the fact that my blood sugar is one hundred percent exactly where it is supposed to be.  In fact, just a few minutes ago, I tested my blood sugar and it's in the healthy range.  That has encouraged me all the more to make great choices about what I will be having for dinner tonight as I pondered what to make.  What's on the menu?  Spaghetti using spaghetti squash as my "noodles" (you know how I love me some spaghetti squash!!), low-sodium spaghetti sauce and ground turkey for my protein along with a spring salad with low-fat honey mustard dressing.  It all fits into my gluten free, lactose free plan and uses a healthy amount of points following my Weight Watchers program.  And, I'm actually looking forward to having it, which is a huge turn-around in my life. 

Life is very different post-Optifast.  Those that I know who have been off of it have said the same thing.  Things were so much easier while only on those shakes.  Everything was laid out for me in very black and white terms.  I was told what I could in my shake, how often I should be having them and other such "rules" that left me questioning nothing.  I'm either compliant or I'm not.  I'm not at all saying it was easy, not at all.  Living for ten months on only shakes was a challenge like no other, especially with all the medical issues I was having.  Now I have to find balance to do what is right for my body.  Sometimes I have a really hard time because I'm such an emotional eater and always have been.  It's going to take me a long time to finding a balance but I'm working on it.  Sometimes, when I'm stressed, frustrated or just having a tough day in some other way, all I want to do is eat.  And, at times, I have.  At times, I have begged God to help me through the physical pain I go through or the desire to eat something in a bingey way when I know I shouldn't be doing that.  As I reminded in so many ways, it's one moment, one day at a time and that I have to find a place between perfection and real life.  I don't have to tackle all of my weight issues in one day.  This really is a lifetime journey for me, for most of us who have been significantly overweight.

So, in a bit, I'll start making my healthy, yummy dinner.  I'll track my points and, later on, I'll check my blood sugar again.  Not because I need to do these things to lose weight but because I want to be as healthy as I possibly can be.  That is very important to me.  And I won't be resentful because I have to do these things when it appears that other people don't have to do them.  I'll do it because I know it's a choice for me today to feel good or not.  It's a choice that is absolutely available to me and one that I am choosing to embrace.