Sunday, June 16, 2013

Do not cancel your appointment Kathy

I had a great walk this morning.  Here's my evidence:

I use MapMyWalk+ to log all of my walks.  I got in four miles, 2 laps without Sara and the rest with her, which was great.  But I was in sooo much pain.  As Sara and I were talking, I was trying to focus on our conversation and not on the burning feeling I had in both of my legs.  I did pretty well, but damn my legs really were on fire.  My legs have been hurting for over a year and it's only worse when I exercise.  As much as it hurts during exercise, though, it makes me feel better afterwards.  There are times when I want to keep exercising from somewhere deep down inside of me, but my body is screaming out in pain.  This is one of the reasons I have an appointment to see my primary care doctor tomorrow.  I don't want to go, though.  Truthfully, I would rather eat something I shouldn't just to make myself feel better.  Of course I know it won't make me feel better, but emotional eaters tend to give food a far larger importance than it ever deserves. 

I haven't seen my doctor in about six months.  She pulled her back, so she's been out on medical leave but I have seen other doctors for various things in between.  It's just that I've been with this doctor for probably 20 years.  She kicks my ass when I need it and is caring when I need that, too.  In the last six months, I've had weight gain and I'm sure my A1C level (3 month average of blood sugar) has gone up.  I told Sara today that I wanted to cancel seeing the doctor until I can lose 50 more pounds.  That sounds sane, right?  I know, it's lame and I get that.  Rational thinking tends to go out the door when it comes to dealing with weight issues.  The last time I saw my doctor, I was gaining weight and she warned me to be careful because she saw me lose so much weight through Optifast and didn't want me gaining it back, more for health reasons than anything else.  The truth is, though, I need to see her.  I have some medical stuff going on and, despite how hard I know it's going to be, I need to talk about these things with her, especially as I have a surgery coming up this week.  So, I'm committing right here and right now that I'm not going to cancel the appointment with my doctor.  I need to keep it and I just have to get over myself in the meantime.  Question is how do I do that exactly?  I don't know but what I do know is that I have absolutely no business cancelling this appointment.  I promise I will report back tomorrow that I went.  I don't go back on my word, so you have my word that I'm going.  Done and done.


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