Saturday, February 2, 2013

Walking back into the room

As I shared in my last post, I started Weight Watchers today to begin the second leg of my weight loss journey.  I was prepared for a weight gain because I'm back on some pain medication that made me gain weight before.  My doctor, who wasn't the one that originally prescribed this particular medication, wanted me to go back on it.  I couldn't remember the exact reason I got off of it before in the moment when we were discussing it a couple of weeks ago, but then I remembered that it was the one that made me gain a significant amount of weight.  I thought that I'd stick it out, though, because maybe I just didn't give it a shot before to see if it could alleviate some of my pain.  Unfortunately, weight gain has happened again with it.  This time I knew, without a shadow of doubt, that it was the medication and not me.  I blamed myself the last time because I couldn't believe that a medication would make someone gain that much.  This time I have been diligent about logging my food and really watching myself.  Even with mistakes I made or poor choices, it still could not have led to the gain.  However, I took it pretty well when I weighed in at the WW meeting.  I'm now back over 300 pounds, which was heartbreaking to me in the moment I found out, but also was a catalyst for me to know I'm doing the right thing by leaving one group behind that hasn't been working for a while now and moving forward with another choice.  I also have to remember and constantly remind myself that I am not where I used to be, not by a long-shot.  I'm still 111.6 pounds less than my highest weight and that's not something I can ever take for granted or push to the side as no big deal.  It is a very big deal.  And now I continue to move forward.

I have been on WW before, several times in my life.  The last time was purely online a while before I started Optifast.  So, during that time, I never went to in-person meetings and never felt that connectedness that comes from the group dynamics.  This time I decided that I want the group, in fact I need the group.  I appreciated it so much when I was on the Optifast products.  We are there to encourage each other and celebrate our mutual accomplishments.  It's a big deal to know you're not doing this alone.  I'm slowly wading through all of the materials, but I have decided that I'm all in.  Whatever they suggest I do, I'm doing.  I'm not acting as though I know everything because I've already lost so much weight.  In some ways, I know nothing!  Although I have the weekly meetings, I also decided to subscribe to the online tools that they have too because it helps tremendously with planning my meals, giving great tips on how to navigate successfully while following the plan and just offering an online community of support.  They are also focusing on non-scale items as well, which I like.  It can't be about just the number on the scale ... it has to be an entire shift in lifestyle.  Some new components to the program since the last time I did it include how to shape up your routines and your spaces.  So, for example, a routine can be making sure that you're eating a fruit/veggie with every meal.  I'm sure I'll go into program specifics as time goes on.  I'm on a little bit of an information overload right now, so I'm still trying to digest it all.

The one thing I do have to be careful about is marrying the two worlds of being on WW while also being a diabetic.  Since I've been dealing with low blood sugars and periodic high blood sugars (such as I had with the recent cortisone injections), I have to be especially careful to follow the advice of my dietitian from Kaiser in conjunction with the WW plan.  Here's an example.  There are certain foods that WW allows you to eat with no limits.  Each food is designated with a point number based on the combination of fat, protein, carbs and fiber.  Most fruits and veggies have a point value of 0 with a few exceptions.  However, as a diabetic, I can't eat an unlimited amount of bananas, for example.  I am well aware of that, though, so I'm paying attention to what I'm eating to ensure I'm having balanced meals.

Today was a good first day for me.  I'm so glad that I made this decision for myself, as hard as it was to walk away from the Optifast world.  Had I not had medical issues, I'd likely still be on the shakes.  Yet, as I have always believed, everything happens for a reason.  Sometimes, in the moment, I have no idea why things happen the way they do but I understand if I just look back afterwards.  Hindsight is always 20/20, isn't it?  Truthfully, I'm pretty excited about this part of my journey.  I have not been knocked down, despite all the medical issues I've been dealing with that includes weight gain.  I'm still moving forward.  Truly, this is where the rubber meets the road.


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