First day back on food

It's obviously been a very long time for me having been on the Optifast shakes for a long time because my eating with the food today was strange at best.  I don't exactly know what plan of eating the clinic will give me since most people either start on full food or transition back to it, not go cold turkey like I am.  However, it's the best thing for the physical problems I've been having with my tummy to get it out of my system.  So I consulted the binder all patients get from the program and it showed what a person should be eating to continue losing weight.  I figured that was my best option until I can talk to someone at the clinic tomorrow.  I did pretty well, but I was getting hungry throughout the day.  I didn't know how often I should be eating, if I should have snacks or anything.  So, about 3:00 or so, I went into the kitchen to test my blood sugar and I think it was 72 at that point.  Hmm, it's good that I'm getting guidance at this because I feel like a food newbie.  Of course, I don't know how to be on full food without the diabetes that I used to have, so this is all new to me.  Talk about feeling like a newborn!

When I was on my regular morning walk with Sara today, I talked to her about how I was going to approach the clinic and tell them I'm no longer doing the shakes.  I know it's completely my choice in what direction I will be going because I am the one paying the bills after all, but I also know them well enough to get that they are probably going to want to know all of my reasons and maybe even talk me out of it.  I am firm, though, about this.  Once I made the decision, I felt very solid.  My only pause was how I was going to tell Lee, my counselor, because he has been such a cheerleader since I joined his class in February.  I'm like their little rock star and I took on the role willingly with my ego leading the way.  I wanted to be the girl who lost 250 pounds on their product and then went on to have a fabulously wonderful life in her thinner little body.  I do see that fabulous life in a thinner body, but the method in which I get there is just altered a bit.  So, I decided that I was going to call and leave a message for Lee on his voicemail and then ask him to call me.  I felt like such a chickenshit, too, because I knew he would not be there on a Sunday evening when I dropped the bomb, but he could digest it and then call me back tomorrow so we can talk about my options.  I wrote down what I was going to say, even scripted myself.  I felt like this guy on the phone, almost like a salesperson trying my best to get the customer to buy everything I had to sell.  I felt so lame, so I stopped looking at my reasons and just spoke from my heart.  That was more natural and definitely more real.  I feel so strongly inside that going back on food is the best thing for me, done in a very calm, rational manner where I take loving action towards my overall health.  Tomorrow I shall report what happened.  Stay tuned!