Pre-op class #15 and weekly weigh-in

It's funny how different perspective can be, isn't it?  I went to my pre-op class tonight and lost two and a half pounds at the weigh-in.  I was happy about that number, but a little disappointed as well.  I thought to myself, "Hm, only two and a half pounds after how much I killed it this week?"  I thought about everything I did wrong, at least in my head, during the course of these last seven days.  I have been trying to avoid eating bread, rice and some other carb-laden foods, as well as sweets.  For the most part I have done well, but I did have a few things throughout the week that had more carbs than I would have liked.  Yet, when I posted my weight update in MyFitnessPal, I received quite a bit of congrats from friends.  Funny how I was doing the blame-game while they were celebrating the loss.  I have so much to learn from other people.  This weigh-in makes it a loss of 75 pounds from my highest weight and 26 pounds since I started the pre-op Kaiser program.  That is definitely something to celebrate.

Our class tonight was about the post-op diet we will be dealing with after the surgery.  It was a pretty intense conversation.  Many of the things we talked about were things I already knew because of all of the research I've done on my own.  They were things like:

• My stomach will only be able to hold just a few tablespoons of food after the surgery.
• No mixing protein shakes in a blender unless I wait for the bubbles to disappear otherwise it'll create air pockets and gas in my system.
• No drinking a half an hour before, during or after a meal because my tummy will need the space for protein.

The list is much longer, but these were just a few things that I got reminded of during our discussion.  I've read these things before but I guess discussing them as a group and getting a glimpse of reality after the surgery was pretty much in my face.  I shared with others in my group that it feels like a mourning of sorts.  That's hard to explain to others that are not going through this same process, but it's the death of a life that has become familiar, even if it wasn't healthy.  My go-to response for a lot of things in life is to seek comfort or familiarity with food.  Feeling bored?  Go in the kitchen and eat something.  Feeling stressed?  Food makes it better.  Feeling anxious?  Food calms you down.  For me, it will be a whole new way of reacting to life and being present in it.  I'm certainly not complaining because the flip side of that is that I will have far less pain, I will have less ailments and I'll feel overall much healthier.  

When I think about the seriousness of this surgery, it can be a bit overwhelming.  This is, after all, major surgery.  When I had cancer, I had major surgery as well.  There is a scar on my back from the bottom of  my shoulder blade almost down to my waist on the left side of my back.  There is also a scar under my left arm.  The long incision allowed the surgeon to go deep into my body and remove the cancer cells.  The area under my arm was to make sure it didn't spread to other parts of my body.  I had 30 staples in my back.  There was a lot of healing that had to take place.  In the same respect, the vertical sleeve surgery is incredibly serious.  The surgeon will be taking out most of my stomach.  For the rest of my life, I will have to eat and drink differently.  I will have to take care of my body in a way that I never have before.  It's so much more than just watching what I'm eating.  I will still have to do the work.  If I think I'm working hard now with watching what I'm eating and exercising routinely, that will probably be increased tenfold.  I have a healthy respect for this process and I'm seriously not trying to overthink it, but it felt a bit overwhelming in class tonight.  I'm so glad I have a place where I can just write about what I'm going through.  It helps me process everything and be reminded that if God brings me to it, He'll also bring me through it.

Water Challenge Day 93:  Drank 178 of 178 ounces