Monday, February 24, 2014

Pre-op class #6 and weekly weigh-in

I connected with my primary care doctor today to discuss the low blood sugar reading I had yesterday.  In fact, looking over the last two weeks of numbers, yesterday was not the only time I was way too low ... it was the fourth.  She is making an adjustment on my medication, so hopefully things will improve.  I'm glad I consulted with her because I actually had another low reading today when I came home after my pre-op class.  I hate even typing that to be honest because I know people are concerned.  Trust me, so am I.  This keeps me accountable.  Somehow posting what's going on for whoever happens to read my blog keeps me really honest.

Speaking of the class, I lost another two pounds for the week.  Yay me!  It's been a slow but steady decline, so I'm happy with that.  When I look at the alternatives of either gaining weight or staying the same, I'll take it any day of the week.  Tonight our topic was about assertiveness.  I can really see how assertiveness, or lack of it, can cause me to go to food instead of dealing with something.  When I think of situations, I completely see how that works.  I have a simple but good example of this.  When I have to order more contact lenses, I do it at Costco.  When I did that last month, there was only one person working at the counter with a long line of people patiently waiting.  A person came up and actually cut in line, even though a bunch of us had been waiting for a while.  Instead of saying something, I let it go.  Something about not wanting to cause a fuss because I think I would have been rude if I would have said anything.  Of course, no one else said anything either.  Then later on, when I got home from shopping, I found myself munching on food even though I wasn't particularly hungry.  At the time, I knew it was because of Mr. Line Jumper and the fact that I didn't say anything.  Sometimes I have no problem being assertive, yet at other times it's a struggle.

Our facilitator discussed the fact that, in her opinion, overeating is a misguided attempt to fulfill unmet needs.  She's right.  Did I really have to pick up food to deal with the fact that I was mad at Mr. Line Jumper and even madder with myself that I didn't say anything?  What purpose was the munching going to fulfill for me?  Honestly, all it did was make me feel bad for having snacked unnecessarily, making me then want to keep on doing it.  It's such a negative cycle that feels like a vortex I can never get out of once I start picking up the food in the first place.  It reminds me of that movie "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murray.  Have you seen it before?  It's such a perfect example of this cycle.  They guy is living the same day over and over again.  No matter how hard he tries to get it to change, somehow he can't get out of the trap he's in of playing the events over and over again.  That's what a food addiction is like to me.  I say to myself that it'll be different this time.  Yet, when I go to the food for reasons other than nutrition to fuel my body, the guilt of that then convinces me to carry on until I've eaten the whole thing.

I really need to spend some time in reflection of how my overeating has been a cover to fulfill unmet needs and really identifying exactly what those unmet needs are for me.  Awareness of that will go a long way to continued good health.  At the same time, I need to keep moving my feet and my seat.  Using the MapMyWalk app on my phone every time I exercised, it showed me that I walked 10 miles last week and burned 3419 calories.  That seems pretty awesome to me.  One step at a time.

Water Challenge Day 40:  Drank 183 out of 183 ounces


Beth Ann said...

Love the cycle picture because it is so very true!

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