Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Seriously not trying to complain but ...

So my saga with that freakin' CPAP machine continues.  Have you ever been so frustrated with something that you just wanted to cry because you just honestly don't know what to do with yourself?  I passed that place last night.  My doc prescribed some deliciously yummy sleeping pills that, under normal circumstances, would be a special treat for any problem sleeper.  Imagine floating on a cloud the moment your head hits the pillow and then waking up like Sleeping Beauty in the morning.  Doesn't that sound heavenly?  How about the sleeper that is very tired but is fighting a machine to see who's gonna win?  Side note:  the machine won.  Grrrrrr.

I honestly feel like I'm at the end of my rope.  I'm still trying, I promise.  I am going to bed each night with renewed spirit and a hope that this will be the night that I fall asleep on the machine.  I try to block it out of my mind and not think too much about it.  Yet, when you're trying to fall asleep after 3, 4, 5 hours and just can't get there, what else can you do but practically weep in your pillow?  There is a point that I just have to take the straps off so that I can get at least some sleep.  I do need to be functional in my job somehow.  If you're a praying person, please throw out a prayer or two on my behalf.  I would appreciate that so much.  I know how dangerous sleep apnea is left untreated, so I will continue trying until I see the pulmonologist.  Hopefully he'll wave a magic wand at me and I'll become Sleeping Beauty.  Dare to dream, right?

Totally changing topics, I shared a few days ago that I got into grad school to pursue my master's degree.  After spending the weekend thinking about what is the best course of action for me, I've decided that I'm going to wait until the Fall term to start my classes.  If I start now, I would have to start in second year classes and that feels a bit backwards to me since I'll then need to take first year classes afterwards.  So now that I have more months without school, I'll need to work on scholarships and different ways to pay so that I can avoid taking out more student loans if at all possible.  I hate borrowing more money, although I will if I have to do that.  It's important for me to get the master's degree so that I can move on to the next level in my profession.  One of the things I do in my job is help students with obtaining scholarships.  I guess now I'll have to use some of those skills for myself!  Alright, time for me to take that sleeping pill and then have a great night of sleep (positive thinking all the way man!!).

Water Challenge Day 21:  Drank 52 of 186 ounces (yeah, okay, I did bad today)


Post a Comment