Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Yeah, there's NO way

I got out of work a few hours early today because I'm conducting a workshop in the evening tomorrow and so it was comp time.  I thought to myself, "Hmm, what should I do with my few hours?"  Then I got excited when I thought where I'd go ... Costco!  Ha ha, yeah I know, that was totally pathetic.  It wasn't Costco itself that made me giddy but the very idea that there would hardly be anyone there since it was about 1:45ish on a  Monday afternoon.  When I pulled up, my face dropped when I realized that not everyone works for a living.  Dammit.  Oh well, at least I was there and didn't feel rushed.  I decided, just for fun, to turn on my MapMyWalk app to see how far I was walking in there.  I'm always curious when I go to stores and it feels like I'm going down every aisle to see exactly how far I go.  I knew I would be stopping at the counter to order contacts so it would be leisurely.  Look what it recorded.

You might want to click on the picture above to see the full detail, but it said I walked 4.95 miles in 38 minutes.  Um, there is no way on God's green earth that happened.  I was either running down the aisles or somehow the GPS had a problem connecting with the satellite because I was indoors and it was in the pocket of my jeans.  It actually made me laugh out loud when I saw that.  Almost 5 miles and I didn't even break a sweat.  Ha ha ha!!

Yeah, okay, so I laugh at myself sometimes because I'm soooo funny.  It's good to laugh sometimes.  I want to share something that happened today and if you're at all squeamish, you may want to stop reading now.  I'll even start a new paragraph so you can totally avoid what I'm going to write.

As I've alluded to before, one of the issues that I have been dealing with since I began Optifast over a year and a half ago (even though I'm not on it now) is that I've been having digestive issues.  I didn't know I was lactose intolerant until I was actually on the program.  There are problems besides being lactose intolerant, though.  Without going into very specific details, my tummy is not happy with me any time I have fiber.  Given that I am eating healthier these days, trying to incorporate a nice array of fruits and veggies into my diet, there's no way to stay away from fiber.  Yet, when I cut back on it, that also creates other problems.  My experience with Optifast created some major problems with my system.  I can only assume this because I never had them before the program and they have stayed with me up to this point.  There has been some major damage that has occurred and I am in pain all the time.  It's sort of difficult to talk about because it's probably one of the most embarrassing things to have to deal with.  I've gone to several doctors and am working with a GI specialist, all who have performed some incredible invading examinations on me that have caused me even greater pain.  Sometimes that necessary to get to the heart of the problem, I get that, but it's painful nonetheless.  After having tried several solutions, our next step is for me to have a colonoscopy performed.  They gave me an option, actually of having a procedure where I am fully awake or the colonoscopy where I am sedated.  Um, I'll take option B please.  That is scheduled for November 19th and I'm already nervous about it.  I'm trying not to be, but when I'm already in pain and I know what they're going to do, I suppose it's just a natural reaction.  

After the colonoscopy results come back, I then need to make an appointment with a surgeon to have another procedure done on the area.  This is assuming everything is normal with the colonoscopy.  I know people who have had it done and they say the worst part is the preparation leading up to it.  I understand that when they explain what has to happen to prep for it, but the hard part for me on top of it is that I know I'm going to have to have a surgery even without an abnormal reading in an area that already hurts.  I have to be  honest and say a big part of me wants to just pick up food and eat over this.  That's my emotional response, as it always has been, to difficult situations that I certainly don't want to deal with.  Yet, I also know that part of changing old habits takes practice, meaning that I can't react the way I always have in the past.  Maybe that means I have to white-knuckle it in the moment, but I have to sit with the uncomfortable feelings (ha - no pun intended) and know that I always have God to get me through any difficulty.  Oh Lord, You are my light.  Perhaps this is why I can laugh at the ridiculous that comes about in life, like me walking 5 miles in 38 minutes.  Hee hee.  


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