Pre-op class #5, weekly weigh-in and meeting my new therapist

This week's Options class was about the benefits of exercise.  I don't know about you, but I would always internally roll my eyes when a doctor or P.E. teacher told me that it would be good for me to get more exercise.  Of course it would but it's much easier to talk about how great exercise is when you don't weigh 200, 300 or 400+ pounds.  Zumba class is a lot more fun when you can actually move around and enjoy yourself.  Even water aerobics hurts when you have osteoarthritis in your knees.

Yesterday I went for a 3 mile walk around my neighborhood, which was fantastic.  It was the same course I used to do when I was 150 pounds lighter, but I have to be honest and say it hurt a lot more yesterday than at other times.  Yet, keeping up with it will make it hurt less and less over time.  It felt great to give that to my body because I know it craves the loving care that exercise gives it.  One of the things I will need to do after surgery is walk a lot to help with recovery and so now is the time to make it a habit.

My weigh-in was good - I lost another two pounds.  I'm starting to see the scale making some progress heading down and that's terrific.  As my dad was leaving my house this morning after visiting for a few days, he asked me to come and visit him in June.  Since I'll still be taking my classes, that means I'll need to fly on a plane since that's quicker than driving 700 miles each way.  It's a pretty great incentive to keep up on the walking so I fit better in that airplane seat!  Sure, I can look to other wonderful benefits, such as improving my circulatory system, improving tension and reducing my appetite, but I also do know it's a great motivator for me to keep up on an exercise regiment knowing that I'll fit better in an airplane seat.

I had my first meeting with my therapist tonight.  My other one retired at the end of January and I felt it was important to keep up with therapy, especially as I walk through gastric bypass surgery.  It's such a major surgery and I need to continue working on the emotional issues that come with food addiction.  It's amazing to me how easily tears can come when I'm having a real, honest conversation with someone and all the walls are down.  I went through two tissues!  It's all good though ... obviously I needed to cry.

One of the things we talked about is my desire to go to food for many things, not just happiness or sadness but everything in between.  It's been my way of living life, almost second nature.  I'm bored - go to food.  I'm angry - go to food.  I'm depressed - go to food.  I'm in love - go to food.  Here's an example:  my dad left today.  While he was here visiting, my food was fabulously healthy, just as it was before he came.  My blood sugar was in control, even a little on the low side.  Yet, after he drove away, all I wanted to do was go in the house and eat.  I wasn't hungry and I wasn't thirsty.  That seems to be my response for a lot of things.  It seems like it's such a learned response that I need to do some serious work to break that pattern to move away from it.  The therapist suggested a great group that Kaiser offers called Mindfulness Meditation.  It will be an opportunity for me to go through guided meditation so that I am more aware of what's going on, which will then lead to new habits instead of going to food.  I'm all for that.  I so badly want to heal and turn things around towards a healthy, positive light.  That doesn't mean the meditation will magically take the desire away, but it's a huge step in the right direction.  The next group doesn't start until March 18th.   However, she did give me something to think about in that regards when I'm faced with a situation that makes me want to overeat in the meantime:

R - recognize what emotional state you are experiencing
A - acknowledge state
I - investigate, be curious
N - non-attachment

So here I am, placing one foot in front of the other making progress towards a different way.  I'm grateful that I have the courage from somewhere deep down inside to do everything that I am to be healthier.  God is so powerful!

Water Challenge Day 35:  Drank 110 of 183 ounces