Cutie patootie and the phone calls

I went to my physical therapy appointment today to deal with the leg pain.  I got to meet Mr. In-Top-Shape Physical Therapist and his dazzling white smile.  He actually was very nice but a bit too good looking for an early morning appointment where I knew his hands would be on me.  It's in those moments that I am uber-aware of my body and how much I would have loved to lose 100 pounds in five minutes by clicking my heels together three times.  It's hard not to compare the unflattering parts of my body with a lean, sculpted body.  I'm trying not to compare, especially man versus woman, but I went there anyway.  Outside of all that, however, he actually was able to get to the heart of my pain.  When he was doing the exam on me, he had to touch my legs and put pressure against my muscles to see where I hurt and man alive was it painful.  He gave me some exercises to work on until our next session.  He did scold me for pushing my body too far when I'm out walking.  He said, at least to start, I really need to curb the amount of time I spend walking.  For example, I should not be walking for anywhere near an hour or more, not right now at least.  I need to build up to that to see where the pain is coming from and then we can reassess.  Otherwise, he is telling me that I need to do non weight-bearing exercises like the station bike, elliptical, swimming, etc.  It's just another reason to move forward on the surgery; relieving me of pain is a big deal.  I go back to see him on November 25th, so I'll be working on the exercises he gave me in the interim.

During yesterday's post, I talked about going to get my mammogram done.  The sweet woman who performed the procedure told me I would find out the results by mail unless something came out abnormally.  If that was the case, I would get a phone call.  So, while I was working today, I missed a call from my doctor's office.  It turned out it was just a reminder to get an eye exam since I have diabetes.  Okay fine.  Then, later on, they called again.  So when I listened to the voicemail message, it was a reminder of an upcoming appointment.  Of course, I don't know any of this when I see "Kaiser" in big letters on my phone.  All I know is that my heart skipped a beat each time.  I have had cancer before, albeit not breast cancer.  I have, however, received the call I was not supposed to receive to tell me the test results showed me positive for cancer.  Your world crushes in around you in that moment.  Feeling relieved from the second call, I was trying to convince myself that nothing was wrong with my mammogram results and to just calm down.

Then the phone rang for a third time.

Seriously??  Yes, it was "Kaiser" calling me again.  This time I was able to pick up the call.  My heart was beating a mile a minute.  The woman on the phone said:

"Is this Kathryn?"

"Yes it is." [I'm attempting to not freak out.]

"This is XXX from your doctor's office."

"Hi!  How are you?"  [Trying to fake that I have no fear inside.]

"I was just calling to ... remind you about your colonoscopy procedure on the 19th."

Are you kidding me right now?  I swear I stopped breathing.  Here I am just going in for a routine exam to make sure everything is in order, just a preventative measure, and I had a moment there where I actually started to worry.  I think it was another great reminder for me to just try to stay as calm and patient as I can unless I have reason to react in another way.  I suppose the fear was just remembering that moment in time when I learned about the melanoma coursing through my body.  I never want a repeat of that moment when I doctor tells me over the phone that I have cancer.  I can't describe what it does to a person but I'm sure you can imagine.  I don't want to relieve that difficult time all over again.  So far so good on no more phone calls coming from Kaiser.