Doing my research

I have spent the better part of today doing a lot of research about weight loss surgery.  Right now I am
looking to the gastric bypass, although I am open to all possibilities.  There is so much freakin information out there, probably more than I ever wanted to know.  I am focusing on positive things right now, so posts and blogs from people living in negativity were not things I spent much time on.  I do want to know all perspectives, but I am not approaching this in a negative way at all.  I definitely know there are risks, pretty serious ones in fact, but I know those discussions will come in time with the medical staff at the clinic.  Right now what I want is to find out about the experiences others have had, how their lives have changed and if moving forward with this is the right thing for me.  I am particularly interested in the emotional side of this because I know weight loss surgery is just a tool.  I am the one that will have to do all the work, follow all the rules and deal with the addiction to food.  The only way for me to find out about that is to be honest with myself here (and, as an extension, with all of you who read my site).

Yesterday when I posted about the reasons for pursuing the surgery, I forgot one very important thing which was sleep apnea.  Several years ago, I got tested for sleep apnea, having gone through two separate sleep studies.  They told me that my case was one of the worst they have seen, with something like an 80% loss of oxygen in the night.  I truly can't remember exactly what the specialist told me at the time, but I just remember that it was bad.  I was going to be fitted for a CPAP, but the company doing it wanted me to go through yet another sleep study.  I finally said that it was something I didn't want to do.  I couldn't sleep at all when I did the original sleep studies.  I guess I just wasn't used to things on my face, especially with being a tummy sleeper.  So the thought of doing yet another study where I wouldn't be able to sleep was like torture.  However, now it's something I need to face, especially if I go through with the surgery.  In fact, I think doing a sleep study is a requirement.  As I think about all the reasons why I would want to have the surgery, the list keeps growing as to why it's a positive thing for me.  Do you ever reach a point where you're sick and tired of being sick and tired?  Yeah, me too ... I'm there now.  

As I think about things, I'm really in a good space with it.  The fear that I was feeling is gone.  I think it really
helps that I have read a lot of blogs from people who have gone through the surgery, including what they were going through before, during and after the surgery.  The things that I won't be able to eat or drink after the surgery, at first, seemed very permanent.  And, don't get me wrong, they are.  It was things like beverages with bubbles (soda, champagne), oranges, sweets with too much sugar.  Or the fact that I will have to take vitamins for the rest of my life.  Bigger picture though - are these things worth it to me if I will have a better quality of life, a longer life?  Right now I am in pain all the time, I mean all the time.  While I can and do exercise a few times a week, it takes a while for me to recover because of the pain. The back pain, leg pain, arm pain ... just pain coursing throughout my body 24/7, it's hard to function normally.  I try to do the best I can but behind my smile is a world of pain that I mask a lot.  Trust me, the surgery is not the easy way out, as a lot of people in society think it is.  It's thoughtful consideration on my part, not only today but in the months ahead.  As always, I am praying that God guides me through this to help me see that I am making the right decision for my health.  Forget my pant size, this is about my health.