Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Pacing myself

After doing some writing with my last post, I'm in much better spirits about my upcoming graduation on Saturday.  I realized the thing bothering me more than anything (besides all the weight-related stuff) was my dear brother, who I love but who also drives me up the wall.  He got married in 1994 and then he and his wife moved to another state in 1997 when he got a job there.  Since he's been gone, I have gone to visit him at least once a year, if not more.  He always comes back to San Diego because he's got Chargers season tickets, but he has never once come to see me or my mom.  Not even to meet him somewhere for coffee or a drive-by hug.  Nothing.  I have never asked him for one thing.  In fact, I have given or lent him money over the years, but I did so because I love him and he's my family.  When he had a heart transplant, I flew up to Stanford where the surgery was being performed and helped him make his mortgage for a couple of months.  I did so with love in my heart for him.  It wasn't about the money at all.  So, I invited him to come to my graduation and told him it would mean a lot to me.  This is the one and only thing I have asked in all these years.  My mom even told him she would pay for his hotel room here.  And yet, he has never responded, not even to say he won't be coming.  I don't expect to see him at the graduation or at the party afterwards, but, I'm sorry, it pissed me off.  I have been so upset with him that I even wondered if I should make the effort any more and stop visiting him.  It has been hurtful.  This is a huge deal in my life.  If you guys knew the road I have traveled to get here, you would know how emotional getting a college degree is for me.  However, with all of that said, I have chosen to do the best I can to let go of my disappointment with him, as well as all of the weight issues I have been having surrounding the ceremony, and just be present in the moment. 

Meanwhile, things have been really kicking up for me at work.  I am always busy, but I am incredibly busy the last month of the school year.  I am in charge of our end of the year senior awards ceremony and it's a huge undertaking to pull it off without a hitch.  I somehow manage to do it and it turns out well, it just is exhausting.  So today, instead of taking work home with me, I left it all in my office.  Instead, I came home, said hello to my kitties and took a yummy afternoon nap.  I love those!  The work will always wait for me, but a nap was just what I needed.  I always forget how close it is to the end of the school year and the fact that I don't work during the summer.  It's always so busy like that for anyone that works in a busy high school.  Anyway, three more days to go!!


optifastmom said...

Was thinking about you yesterday as you graduated! Congratulations on such a huge and important accomplishment!

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