Saturday, April 27, 2013

I'm still here!

Hi everyone.  Sorry I haven't posted in a bit.  I have been trying to focus on my last few weeks of school and not procrastinating on getting done what I need to do.  With my commencement ceremony coming up in a few weeks, I've realized time has really been flying for me. 

Let's see, on the whole I'm doing pretty well.  I had some side affects with medication, so we've had to do some adjustments.  Including all the supplements I take, I've got a pretty significant pile of pills I'm taking every day.  However, at least I have the option of taking those medications.  Some people are not so fortunate and I do get that.  I still do have lots of pain, but I am learning to work with the pain and know that I'm doing the absolute best I can to take care of myself.  I started seeing a new physical therapist yesterday, so I'm hoping that process will help with pain management.

One thing that was a little difficult for me was I was scrolling through some of my pictures on my phone and caught some that were taken several months ago when I was dealing with major hair loss while I was on Optifast.  I could see the difference in my weight from that time until now and I started to focus on that.  This weight gain has been difficult on a level I can't adequately describe and it's been so hard to not have the constant reminders of where I am right now.  Oh how I miss the days when I was smaller.  It's funny ... when I was at that smaller size, I remember thinking that I had sooo much weight left to lose.  Now I would give almost anything to be back there.  Perspective is everything, isn't it?  I am working very hard to be in the moment and to know that if I'm doing what I need to do, the weight will continue to be released at whatever pace is right and healthy for me.  Nothing will be like the experience I had on Optifast and that has to be okay.  People lose weight in many different ways and we all have unique journeys as part of the process.

I am making a promise that I won't stay away so long next time.  And if I do, please, send me an e-mail or post a message saying it's been too long.  This is where I need to be to talk about the things that have led me to eating - good, bad or indifferent.  It's very easy to be quiet, even when it's not for negative reasons.  I've seen plenty of people really active on their blogs and then just disappear into cyberspace.  That's not my intention at all.  I've got my finals next week and then two research papers due the week after that.  Then I'll be putting on my cap and gown.  That will be an incredibly emotional day for me, especially given the adventure ride I've been on to get there.  But I'll be there with my family cheering me on and then having a fun celebration afterwards.  I'll definitely post pictures so everybody can see.  They're even streaming it live online.  The technology cracks me up ... I can't even pick my nose without the world seeing it.  Ha ha!  Okay, so I wouldn't pick my nose, just sayin ;-)


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