The urge was overwhelming

I took the day off of work.  We were having a professional growth day at the high school where I work and so I decided to take the opportunity for a four day weekend.  I have a research paper due by next weekend as well as another to finish up.  My quarter for grad school ends this coming week so I need to go out with a bang and remain focused.

On my agenda today was to get my car smogged for registration renewal, return some clothes I recently bought that were too big and to do some research for my paper.  I have been working out a lot so what was NOT on my to-do list was working out at the gym.  I needed to give my body a day of rest.  And all I could think about today was the fact that I was not working out and how much I really wanted to go to the gym.  Who knows when the shift occurred, but it has. Taking care of my body now is of paramount importance to me.  I did refrain from going because I realized that there has to be some balance in this weight-loss process and building muscles. That's not the easiest thing in the world for me to reconcile because I seem to be 0 to 60 in so many facets of my life, including exercise.  I still managed to somehow get in over 6,000 steps, but nothing near my normal amount.  

Speaking of building muscle, I have had a weird thing going on where something in my head is making me very afraid to get on the machines at the gym. I have no problem working on the cardio machines like the treadmill, recumbent bike and the elliptical machine, but when it comes to getting on the machines for building muscle I just have a really hard time.  I think a big part of it is emotional. The cardio machines are easy. You get on them and you sweat and then you get off them ... you're done.  However, the muscle-building machines seem like an entirely different beast. You spend time working on certain portions of your body in areas where there are very fit people building their muscles as well.  Sometimes when I am around people with these awesome bodies, especially the men, I just get very self-conscious. I really can't explain what it is exactly, I just know that I am much more aware of my body in those moments. There is also this fear that I will start working on a machine and do it wrong.  Sounds like I'm sitting in a lot of fear, doesn't it?  I know this is just a hurdle that I will move through. I just need to put one foot in front of the other and not worry so much about being imperfect. Easier said than done!