Pre-op class #22, weekly weigh-in and my vacation

I really need to kick it up on my blog posting.  With so much going on in the next few months, I'm going to need the outlet more than ever.  Let's see, I had my 22nd pre-op class this past Monday.  I lost a pound.  Is that even newsworthy?  Okay, I know ... a pound is a pound.  It is making me work out more this week though.  I was really disappointed with the number but I gained before that so I will choose to be grateful for the loss.

The class was a pretty intense one.  Of course, when are they not intense lately?  The topic was on creating a healthy lifestyle.  While I was not crazy about six months of pre-op classes when I started this process towards bariatric surgery, I can say that I am so glad for it now.  We talk about so much more than just the semantics of the surgery itself.  While it's important to know what we will be going through and how to best take care of our bodies before and after surgery, I find dealing with the emotional aspects much more valuable to me.  I can research until I'm blue in the face about the gastric bypass or vertical sleeve, but how am I going to incorporate emotional positivity into my life?  How will I know I am on track for success?

Thankfully I have already started incorporating healthy choices into my lifestyle now.  In fact, as I sit here at my dining room table and write, I am cooling down from a very sweaty workout.  I'm actually sitting here in baggy sweat pants and a loose t-shirt, thank you very much :)  That feels really good.  I've logged all of my food in for the day into MyFitnessPal.  I'm checking my blood sugar to make sure it is in the appropriate range.  These are all things I do for myself now that I can continue doing after the surgery as well.  One of the things discussed in the class this week was about expecting to succeed.  That is such an important thing for me to remember because a great concern I have is, "What if I have the surgery and then fail?"  The point I need to always remember is that I don't have to fear failure if I approach it with the mindset that I will succeed.  And why will I succeed?  Well, because I am putting in the work.  These results come from work, not osmosis.

A very difficult question that came up in class was, "How will I deal with guilt, shame and self-recrimination?"  I wrote down some things that our facilitator shared with us that I'd like to share with all of you:

Self-compassion:  being mindful rather than obsessing over personal weaknesses or imperfections.  This is recognizing you're like everyone else ... you're not unique.  Being kind rather than judgmental.  Talk to yourself as you would a beloved friend.

I shared with the group that I find this to be the biggest challenge of my life and one that I will need to constantly work on.  I am always so self critical.  I try to catch myself in the moment, but really that's easier said than done.  I'll be looking in the mirror, feeling really good about myself, and then everything goes to hell in a hand basket when I put on some clothes that don't cover up my arms.  In a matter of seconds, my good mood is blown and I'm feeling awful about myself.  I know I'm not alone in these feelings; many people feel the same way about themselves.  My challenge, though, is that I need to find a way of being in the moment without choosing to eat over these uncomfortable feelings.  Sitting in it is not a pleasant thought.  I've spent my whole life running away from uncomfortable feelings and now, especially after the surgery, I won't be able to run any longer.

Whew, that's all really heavy stuff!  I've been on summer vacation for over a week now and I love it.  It's amazing how quickly I have forgotten about work and am in relaxation mode.  In my summer of rediscovering my beautiful San Diego, I visited Balboa Park yesterday with a friend.  Balboa Park is a huge urban park with quite a few museums and well as other points of interest.  There is a lot to see and do there.  If you are a resident of San Diego county, some of the museums are free on Tuesdays.  So yesterday we went to several of them and just walked around.  We hit the San Diego Automotive Museum, San Diego Air & Space Museum, San Diego Hall of Champions and more.  We were there moving around for five hours. We had a great time and it was all free!  Of course I took some pictures.